TOPIC FOR THE MONTH: HOW TO BE HAPPY DURING THE HOLIDAYS
Dee A Levy’s Corner
Happy Holidays!!! This is a good time to sit down with hubby (and some hot chocolate or a chocolate martini) and set some very clear holiday boundaries. Unfortunalty this is such a hectic, stressful time of the year for everyone (but our husbands/partners are cross dressers) therefore our stress is much more than the average and we pretend like everything is hunky Dori. Our husbands’ life long condition often escalates that is why our CDH cross dress when they feel stressed out. And of course, many of us have holiday guests, who have no idea that their presence has an enormous negative impact on many CD. Many cross dressing husbands need to change their “normal” ways of CD-like most of them are not going to be walking around in your clothes while your friends and family are visiting, or surfing the net for she/he porn. What is his plan for dealing with the extra stress? Does he have an alternative way of handling stress-like workout-do some physical work? Or maybe you can plan some fun ‘surprise sex’ to ease his anxiety.
Try to stay focused on the good things in your life. Only tolerate what you are able to handle. Then, perhaps let him know-he has to behave in your home, with your children, family and friends.
And if you have no problem with him dressing up then sincerely good for you.
I pray that Santa comes to your house twice!!! And that your cross dressing husband doesn’t wear your new holiday clothes before you do. (I am trying to deal with my real emotions by making a joke about them). It is how I handle things…like Mr. Wonderful. A sense of humor, for me is a necessity to get through being an ex CDW-especially during the Holiday Season. And laughter really is such great medicine….it took me years to be able to laugh.
Blessings,
Dee
Contributing CDW of the month: jj22
Seventy six percent of the women who completed the survey have never posted on the forum. That tells so much because completing the survey was probably the closest thing to ever admitting they are a crossdresser’s wives. That’s an awful lot women suffering in silence, because who do you talk to about being a crossdresser’s wife? Who would understand?
Do you ever feel inadequate sexually? I think that’s how my first post here went. Then the answers came tumbling in…. Yes…. All the time…..Same here….Welcome to the club. Answers that made me take the biggest sigh of relief in my life. At last people who knew how I felt. I was not alone. So the real question here is how did I end up putting my innermost thoughts out there on the World Wide Web.
I guess the answer is right there at the beginning. The day I became a crossdressers wife. Looking back I should of known he was up to something, never had a husband been so attentive, he could of not done any more for me, in and out of bed. That week he made lunch and while we were eating he told me about a ‘little kink’ he had. 25 years together and I suppose the signs had always been there, but you just don’t cross all the t’s and dot the i’s. I mean who ever would think my husband would look good and very much like to dress as a girl? My understanding, or rather what he told me, of being a crossdresser was to dress up for sex or masturbation occasionally. A bit of role play every now and again….So I thought why not? I could put up with that.
Christmas was approaching and life took over, but the clothes were creeping more and more into everyday life. His little kink was starting to become an obsession. I needed to find out what all this crossdressing really meant. All the websites I visited told me this was normal, embrace his feminine side; it will enhance your marriage. If this was true, then why the hell did I feel like it was killing mine? Was the problem me? Then I found this site. I read Dee’s story, and read every post there was. Women who felt like me at last. I read every day for weeks, crying, laughing and getting mad at the husbands along with everyone. These girls knew my every thought and feeling, but, I never posted, never wrote a word. If I was to post then that would mean that everyone would know my husband’s secret, his secret that had become mine now too.
The escalation got worse, sex was awful, whatever he was thinking it was not about me, he was somewhere else in his head, never in that bed with me. And he was constantly looking at porn, looking to see what other men were wearing, and then wanting that corset that he/she was wearing. This was taking over our lives. He was even neglecting time with our daughter not just me. This perfect ‘other woman’ that HE became, who never said no and knew exactly, what to do and where to touch had taken over. I needed help. I just needed someone to tell me it was OK to hate this side of him. So I plucked up the courage and started to type.
The tears of relief finally fell as those answers came in and I felt like a great weight had been lifted. I was not alone with my thoughts any longer. Here were other people who knew my pain.
Since I first posted, almost a year ago, there have been so many more names to appear. Each and every one of you have been so brave. When we first find out we feel so alone, this is not something that is spoken about in everyday life. You may have a laugh or a moan at your husband’s expense with your friends, but which of us ever, goes into great detail with them. And sometimes no matter how hard you try, you can never get your husband to fully understand how painful all those secrets and lies are, even if they try. So to be able to be open and honest with women in the same situation is a complete emotional release. And I thank you all for being there.
Dee, thank you for giving this life line to us, and Girls thank you for your advice and honesty. I encourage any wife out there going through all this alone to post, just say hello, I am a crossdressers wife. There is this amazing relief to just write it and for someone to say….’ I understand.’
Jj22
Thank you so much jj22 for sharing with us! We are so grateful to have you with us!
XOX,
Dee
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Tim (aka our CD family advisor’s) Corner
Ladies this letter will generate more hate mail than ever but it needs to be said. I hope this letter gives you answers and information to help you. I have spoken with so many CDs and the one things that is for sure with all of them. They are groomers.
Cross dressers spend more hours preparing to do what want- than doing it. In this time of ‘preparing’ they will think and fantasize all the things they want to do but cant! In those times of thinking is the times they come up with things to groom you into doing and thinking that what they are doing is something that is ok and you are the one that is closed-minded.
I have spent more time getting these men to realize how much time they spend trying to justify and convince you that their cross dressing is harmless and is no more than a hobby.
Once they see how this consumes them and how this effects their whole life and most importantly it can destroy your relationship, especially the intimacy!
Keep learning, keep talking to your CDH and do everything in your power to enjoy the holidays….
Take good care of yourselves!
Happy Holidays!!!
Tim
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UPDATE
Please know that our survey is almost complete. My brilliant co-hort has done a phenomenal job and all of you made it possible to gather hard core trailblazing data about cross dressers wives! Thank you!
The Founder has been a guest speaker at a few college classes, as well as salons. We are trying each day to get the word out about CDW and the types of challenges they are dealing with-but first we need to educate people about CD-and bust the myths about CD being gay! Then why are CD overwhelmingly married and many have children? Well, we know but the rest of the world is still in the closet, and clearly in the dark. Let us continue to shed some light on this thorny, murky taboo sub culture.
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Inspirational Quote of the month….
"You must constantly ask yourself these questions: Who am I around? What are they doing to me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? And most important, what do they have me becoming? Then ask yourself the big question: Is that okay? Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change." - Jim Rohn"
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