Topic of the Month: Our Health
Welcome to all participants of our Forum and website. Many have expressed problems and concerns regarding their general well-being, as well as their physical and emotional health.
We have examined the survey results of an informal randomly selected sample of fifty cross dresser wives. Here are the results:
1) 36% indicated they are experiencing suicidal thoughts.
2) 47% are currently taking anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and/ or sleeping medication.
3) 73% have never been on these types of medication prior to being exposed to their cross dressing partners.
4) 57% are presently undergoing psychotherapy due to these circumstances. (Many other women have indicated that they would seek therapy if it were affordable to them.)
It is vital to understand that this was not a controlled, scientific study. However, it is relevant to note that there appears to be a direct correlation between cross dressers wives and these maladies. Find comfort in knowing you are not alone if you are encountering these aforementioned conditions.
On a less formal note, in my many years of study on this topic, I have found some of these other symptoms to be typical: alcoholism, drug addiction, erratic behavior, lack of energy, depression, anxiety, and many other negative symptoms.
Here are some helpful tips that may benefit your health and well-being:
1) Build a support team (friends, close family members, religious or spiritual leader.)
2) Seek counseling.
3) Exercise increases your endorphins (yoga, Pilates, walking, bike riding, and swimming, etc.)
4) Meditation.
5) Eat healthy foods and drink plenty of water.
6) Journal or read a good uplifting book.
7) Try to get twenty minutes of sunshine daily (increases endorphins, vitamin D, and combats insomnia.)
8) Open your shades and try to get outside everyday (maintain good grooming and personal hygiene.)
9) Pray if so inclined.
10) Befriend and communicate with another cross dressers wife from this Forum.
Remember to LOVE yourself!
FREE PHONE CONSULTATION
We are offering a free 15-minute phone consultation. In April we began our Consultation Services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist, however, she is a former cross dressers wife. Please book your free 15-minute phone consultation by contacting us at cdwives@gmail.com. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.
Donations and Volunteers
We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our, "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival.
Book Update
Our book, Our Lives As Cross Dressers Wives, is currently being edited. Anyone interested in submitting her story may contact us at cdwives@gmail.com. All of our stories are anonymous and all participants will receive compensation for their five to twenty-five page story. Please note; we are not seeking writers per say, just your story to enlighten others about the experiences of some cross dressers wives.
Inspirational Quote
“Write down any positive feedback you’ve ever gotten, from other people or from circumstances. Put copies of this feedback list everywhere, and read it often” (Finding Your Own North Star authored by Martha Beck).
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Cross Dressers Wives May Newsletter 2010
Topic Of The Month: Take advantage of our May only Free 15 minute phone consultation.
For the month of May we are offering a free 15-minute phone consultation. Last month we began our consultation services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, a M.A. in Social Sciences and has worked with over a thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist, however, she is a former cross dressers wife. Please book your free 15-minute phone consultation by contacting us at cdwives@gmail.com. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.
____________________
Donations and Volunteers
We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our, "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival.
____________________
Book Update
Our book, Our Lives As Cross Dressers Wives, is currently being edited. Anyone interested in submitting her story may contact us at cdwives@gmail.com. All of our stories are anonymous and all participants will receive compensation for their five to twenty-five page story. Please note; we are not seeking writers per say, just your story to enlighten others about the experiences of some cross dressers wives.
Inspirational Quote
“I know I am strengthened as I seek to make truth my personal reality” (Your Sacred Self by Wayne Dyer, page 222).
For the month of May we are offering a free 15-minute phone consultation. Last month we began our consultation services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, a M.A. in Social Sciences and has worked with over a thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist, however, she is a former cross dressers wife. Please book your free 15-minute phone consultation by contacting us at cdwives@gmail.com. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.
____________________
Donations and Volunteers
We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our, "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival.
____________________
Book Update
Our book, Our Lives As Cross Dressers Wives, is currently being edited. Anyone interested in submitting her story may contact us at cdwives@gmail.com. All of our stories are anonymous and all participants will receive compensation for their five to twenty-five page story. Please note; we are not seeking writers per say, just your story to enlighten others about the experiences of some cross dressers wives.
Inspirational Quote
“I know I am strengthened as I seek to make truth my personal reality” (Your Sacred Self by Wayne Dyer, page 222).
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Cross Dressers Wives April Newsletter 2010
Topic Of The Month: Spring is time for renewal.
Many of us are struggling with ways to renew ourselves. Now is the perfect time!
What do we have in our power in order to change our lives? We hold the key by accepting the fact that being married to a cross dresser is no easy task. For many of us however, it is a multi-task learning process. The journey of acceptance begins by coming to terms with the fact that we do not possess the power to change our cross dressing spouses/partners. We only have the power to change ourselves, no easy task. This precious knowledge can lead to a sense of peace and serenity. Take this power, refocus your energies each day and change your life one step at a time.
Spring is a great time to focus on self-renewal. A part of our new beginning in the renewal process comes from accepting what has been lost in many of our relationships and to discover ways to bring about new life skills for self-renewal. This is our time to blossom but we need to make sure we have sufficient water, food, sun and TLC to do so! The key is to be good and kind to ourselves and the rest will begin to fall into place.
Blessings,
The Founder
________________________________________________________________
Donations and Volunteers
We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times funds are short, limiting our ability to expand. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who are in need of assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or to volunteer your services in order to help us assist these women who are in dire need of; support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our, "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival. ________________________________________________________________
New Consultation Link
We are elated to announce a new service and outreach program for those wives who are in need of one-on-one telephone support. The Founder is not a licensed therapist, though holds a degree in Women’s Studies and has earned a M.A. in Social Sciences. Additionally, she has worked with literally thousands of cross dressers wives for years. This service is now available for $50 an hour by appointment only. Please contact The Founder at cdwives@gmail.com for an appointment or more information.
________________________________________________________________
Inspirational Quote
“ When you always do your best, you take action”. ( The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz).
________________________________________________________________
Inspirational Books
Transitions by William Bridges
Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck
Many of us are struggling with ways to renew ourselves. Now is the perfect time!
What do we have in our power in order to change our lives? We hold the key by accepting the fact that being married to a cross dresser is no easy task. For many of us however, it is a multi-task learning process. The journey of acceptance begins by coming to terms with the fact that we do not possess the power to change our cross dressing spouses/partners. We only have the power to change ourselves, no easy task. This precious knowledge can lead to a sense of peace and serenity. Take this power, refocus your energies each day and change your life one step at a time.
Spring is a great time to focus on self-renewal. A part of our new beginning in the renewal process comes from accepting what has been lost in many of our relationships and to discover ways to bring about new life skills for self-renewal. This is our time to blossom but we need to make sure we have sufficient water, food, sun and TLC to do so! The key is to be good and kind to ourselves and the rest will begin to fall into place.
Blessings,
The Founder
________________________________________________________________
Donations and Volunteers
We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times funds are short, limiting our ability to expand. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who are in need of assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or to volunteer your services in order to help us assist these women who are in dire need of; support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our, "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival. ________________________________________________________________
New Consultation Link
We are elated to announce a new service and outreach program for those wives who are in need of one-on-one telephone support. The Founder is not a licensed therapist, though holds a degree in Women’s Studies and has earned a M.A. in Social Sciences. Additionally, she has worked with literally thousands of cross dressers wives for years. This service is now available for $50 an hour by appointment only. Please contact The Founder at cdwives@gmail.com for an appointment or more information.
________________________________________________________________
Inspirational Quote
“ When you always do your best, you take action”. ( The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz).
________________________________________________________________
Inspirational Books
Transitions by William Bridges
Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Cross Dressers Wives March Newsletter 2010
Topic for the month: Healing Process
There have been many posts inquiring how to begin the healing process. Some techniques work better for some, but it is to our advantage to experiment on a diversity of healing tools and skills to see which ones help each individual.
According to Dr. Susan Forward’s book, When Your Lover Is a Liar, writing a letter of grief from the standpoint of a fighter-not a victim is the key. She upholds it is vital to take a firm stand with your grief and display your determination to get through it. Some would suggest writing the letter and sharing it with your husband/partner, keep it for yourself, burn it or rip it up. The important element is to release your emotions in a healthy way in order to help you get passed your grief. Dr. Forward also states that adding a bit of humor can also be beneficial (page 135).
Additionally, confrontation can be a positive way to find clarity. Learn to ask for what you need, want, desire and set clear boundaries for a happier and healthy lifestyle. What is best for you is always a personal choice. Nonetheless, healing is a way to begin your new life.
To further enhance your new life, Dr. Jane Greer suggests in her book, How Could You Do This To Me?, there are many lessons to live by. She elaborates on the necessity to identify your true feelings and rebuild your self-esteem by trusting your emotions and your own judgment She purports that by utilizing these fundamental tasks, you will be able to trust again, with your heart and eyes wide open (page 180).
Donations and Volunteers
As a non-for-profit (NPO) charitable tax-deductible organization, we rely solely on contributions and grants to support our much-needed organization. Funds are low and grants during these difficult financial times are limiting our abilities to expand, despite the obvious need to do so. Every dollar can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO to develop outreach programs to worldwide cross dressers wives, who are in need of assistance. Please visit our links to make contributions or to volunteer your services to help us assist those women who are in need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence but not without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes-severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States alone, whose needs must be met. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor is vital.
New Consultation Link
We are elated to announce this new service and out reach to those wives who are in need of phone support. The Founder is not a therapist, those holds degrees in Women’s Studies and M.A. in Social Sciences. Additionally, she has worked with thousands of cross dressers wives for several years. This service is available now for $50 an hour by appointment only. Please contact the founder at cdwives@gmail.com
Inspirational Quote
“ You were born with the right to be happy. You were born with the right to love, enjoy and to share love. You are alive, so take your life and enjoy it ” by Don Miguel Ruiz from his book, The Four Agreements (page 84).
There have been many posts inquiring how to begin the healing process. Some techniques work better for some, but it is to our advantage to experiment on a diversity of healing tools and skills to see which ones help each individual.
According to Dr. Susan Forward’s book, When Your Lover Is a Liar, writing a letter of grief from the standpoint of a fighter-not a victim is the key. She upholds it is vital to take a firm stand with your grief and display your determination to get through it. Some would suggest writing the letter and sharing it with your husband/partner, keep it for yourself, burn it or rip it up. The important element is to release your emotions in a healthy way in order to help you get passed your grief. Dr. Forward also states that adding a bit of humor can also be beneficial (page 135).
Additionally, confrontation can be a positive way to find clarity. Learn to ask for what you need, want, desire and set clear boundaries for a happier and healthy lifestyle. What is best for you is always a personal choice. Nonetheless, healing is a way to begin your new life.
To further enhance your new life, Dr. Jane Greer suggests in her book, How Could You Do This To Me?, there are many lessons to live by. She elaborates on the necessity to identify your true feelings and rebuild your self-esteem by trusting your emotions and your own judgment She purports that by utilizing these fundamental tasks, you will be able to trust again, with your heart and eyes wide open (page 180).
Donations and Volunteers
As a non-for-profit (NPO) charitable tax-deductible organization, we rely solely on contributions and grants to support our much-needed organization. Funds are low and grants during these difficult financial times are limiting our abilities to expand, despite the obvious need to do so. Every dollar can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO to develop outreach programs to worldwide cross dressers wives, who are in need of assistance. Please visit our links to make contributions or to volunteer your services to help us assist those women who are in need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence but not without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes-severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States alone, whose needs must be met. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor is vital.
New Consultation Link
We are elated to announce this new service and out reach to those wives who are in need of phone support. The Founder is not a therapist, those holds degrees in Women’s Studies and M.A. in Social Sciences. Additionally, she has worked with thousands of cross dressers wives for several years. This service is available now for $50 an hour by appointment only. Please contact the founder at cdwives@gmail.com
Inspirational Quote
“ You were born with the right to be happy. You were born with the right to love, enjoy and to share love. You are alive, so take your life and enjoy it ” by Don Miguel Ruiz from his book, The Four Agreements (page 84).
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Cross Dressers Wives February's Newsletter 2010
Now That You Have Decided to Leave Him
Hope you and yours are all well. As always we are gearing this months newsletter towards a common theme from our forum. There has been a lot of correspondence from many cross dressers wives who are contemplating leaving their marriages and wondering how to leave. Please note, we are not encouraging anyone (other that someone who is being physically abused) to dissolve their marriage. However, for those who want and need to leave their marriage, we want to support their needs and desires.
Many cross dressers wives have been in a long term holding pattern waiting for the next high heel to drop, others contemplate leaving, some stay with boundaries, some live as roommates while others do end up divorcing their cross dressing husbands.
For those of you who wish to leave and are looking for ways to go on with your lives I would like to share a recent posting on the forum. I had her permission to post her comments in this newsletter. It is just one of many stories that I, like many of you, found it to be significant and helpful to those who want and need to reclaim their lives-without their spouses.
This post is from of our beloved Shelly
Dear How to: It sounds like you are in the same situation as I was in during the last few months of my marriage. Does this sound familiar to you: By the time my H realized that he had pushed me too far, that he was losing control over me, it was simply too late. I told him I was leaving. I had been lied to repeatedly, I had been blamed for not accepting him, I had been manipulated and isolated for yrs. He decided that we should start over, put everything behind us, and live happily ever after. He "stopped" cding. He began doing nice things for me, buying me things, becoming concerned about my welfare after yrs of ignoring and minimizing my feelings. But what was done could not be undone. The trust was gone, replaced by suspicion. The love was gone, replaced by a trapped fear. The sexual attraction was gone, replaced by repulsion. He didn't want to talk about cding or the past. I was "holding grudges" and "being unforgiving" if I brought up my doubts or questioned his honesty. I had so much to lose! I had pre-school children, no job, no higher education, my health was very bad after yrs of escalating stress, and my H had been threatening suicide for yrs if I told anyone. I could not live w/ the pain anymore, could not try - not one more time; I knew that if I allowed him back into my heart, I would not survive another betrayal - one that I knew would come, eventually. For me to get out, I had to make a decision to save myself and my kids, to give up my home and everything that I had invested in, and to face the overwhelming fears and uncertainties that made up my future.
How did I do it? 1) I finally told my family and gratefully received their unfaltering support. 2) I went to a psychologist - against the dictates of my H - and got on anti-anxiety medication to help me cope. 3) I mentally disassociated myself from my H, did not allow myself to make his problems my own - I had enough to worry about! 4) I began reading about abuse and manipulation, as suggested by the psychologist. 5) I did what I could to improve my health so that I could face the future as best I could. I think the hardest part was #3; b/c I had loved my H for over half my life and I didn't want to hurt him. I knew that he was in pain, that I was HURTING him - that was very hard; it is not my nature. I found that this helped: I wrote down specific incidents in which MY pain had been totally ignored and disregarded by my H, the many lies and distortions I had been dealing with, the aggressive blame and shameless twisting of reality that he had used for yrs to control my actions and thoughts. This allowed me to keep clear in my mind what I would not allow in my life. It was a very painful time, but I kept my eyes focused on the light at the end of the tunnel - a light that wasn't there if I didn't leave. I have never regretted it. After I left, when I was packing more of my stuff, I found the stash of women's clothing he had hidden in a new place. My mind, to this day, still tends to empathize w/ him, even after he remarried, yrs later, to yet another woman w/out telling her about his sexuality. It's so sad. It just starts all over again. Hope this helps you. This is such a difficult place to be in. If you need out, I hope you can find a way.
______________________________________________________
New Help line Services
Look for our upcoming new link for our new help line service. We are elated to announce this new service and out reach to those wives who are in need of phone support. The Founder is not a therapist, those holds degrees in woman studies and social sciences. Additionally, she has worked with thousands of cross dressers wives for several years. This service should be available soon for $50 an hour.
___________________________________________
Book Update
We are pleased to announce that our book about our lives as cross dressers wives will be published within the next 3-6months. If you are interested in submitting your story please read November 2009 Newsletter and submit your story by February 15th.
____________________________________________
Donations and Volunteer Positions
As a non-for-profit (NPO) charitable tax-deductible organization, we rely solely on contributions and grants to support our much-needed organization. Funds are low and grants during these difficult financial times are limiting our abilities to expand, despite the obvious need to do so. Every dollar can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO to develop outreach programs to worldwide cross dressers wives, who are in need of assistance. Please visit our links to make contributions or to volunteer your services to help us assist those women who are in need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence but not without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes-severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States alone, whose needs must be met. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor is vital.
______________________________________________________
Recommended reading:
When Your Lover is a Liar by Dr. Susan Forward
How Could You Do This To Me? Learning To Trust After Betrayal by Dr. Jane Greer
The Liar in Your Life by Robert Feldman
___________________________________________
Inspirational Quote
"I am wise and capable. I am my own best expert, my own authority about what is right for me. I have the courage to listen to my inner wisdom. (From the book, The Woman's Book of Courage by Sue Patton Thoele pg. 137)
______________________________________________________
Happy Valentines Day!!! Remember to love yourself.
Blessings,
The Founder
Hope you and yours are all well. As always we are gearing this months newsletter towards a common theme from our forum. There has been a lot of correspondence from many cross dressers wives who are contemplating leaving their marriages and wondering how to leave. Please note, we are not encouraging anyone (other that someone who is being physically abused) to dissolve their marriage. However, for those who want and need to leave their marriage, we want to support their needs and desires.
Many cross dressers wives have been in a long term holding pattern waiting for the next high heel to drop, others contemplate leaving, some stay with boundaries, some live as roommates while others do end up divorcing their cross dressing husbands.
For those of you who wish to leave and are looking for ways to go on with your lives I would like to share a recent posting on the forum. I had her permission to post her comments in this newsletter. It is just one of many stories that I, like many of you, found it to be significant and helpful to those who want and need to reclaim their lives-without their spouses.
This post is from of our beloved Shelly
Dear How to: It sounds like you are in the same situation as I was in during the last few months of my marriage. Does this sound familiar to you: By the time my H realized that he had pushed me too far, that he was losing control over me, it was simply too late. I told him I was leaving. I had been lied to repeatedly, I had been blamed for not accepting him, I had been manipulated and isolated for yrs. He decided that we should start over, put everything behind us, and live happily ever after. He "stopped" cding. He began doing nice things for me, buying me things, becoming concerned about my welfare after yrs of ignoring and minimizing my feelings. But what was done could not be undone. The trust was gone, replaced by suspicion. The love was gone, replaced by a trapped fear. The sexual attraction was gone, replaced by repulsion. He didn't want to talk about cding or the past. I was "holding grudges" and "being unforgiving" if I brought up my doubts or questioned his honesty. I had so much to lose! I had pre-school children, no job, no higher education, my health was very bad after yrs of escalating stress, and my H had been threatening suicide for yrs if I told anyone. I could not live w/ the pain anymore, could not try - not one more time; I knew that if I allowed him back into my heart, I would not survive another betrayal - one that I knew would come, eventually. For me to get out, I had to make a decision to save myself and my kids, to give up my home and everything that I had invested in, and to face the overwhelming fears and uncertainties that made up my future.
How did I do it? 1) I finally told my family and gratefully received their unfaltering support. 2) I went to a psychologist - against the dictates of my H - and got on anti-anxiety medication to help me cope. 3) I mentally disassociated myself from my H, did not allow myself to make his problems my own - I had enough to worry about! 4) I began reading about abuse and manipulation, as suggested by the psychologist. 5) I did what I could to improve my health so that I could face the future as best I could. I think the hardest part was #3; b/c I had loved my H for over half my life and I didn't want to hurt him. I knew that he was in pain, that I was HURTING him - that was very hard; it is not my nature. I found that this helped: I wrote down specific incidents in which MY pain had been totally ignored and disregarded by my H, the many lies and distortions I had been dealing with, the aggressive blame and shameless twisting of reality that he had used for yrs to control my actions and thoughts. This allowed me to keep clear in my mind what I would not allow in my life. It was a very painful time, but I kept my eyes focused on the light at the end of the tunnel - a light that wasn't there if I didn't leave. I have never regretted it. After I left, when I was packing more of my stuff, I found the stash of women's clothing he had hidden in a new place. My mind, to this day, still tends to empathize w/ him, even after he remarried, yrs later, to yet another woman w/out telling her about his sexuality. It's so sad. It just starts all over again. Hope this helps you. This is such a difficult place to be in. If you need out, I hope you can find a way.
______________________________________________________
New Help line Services
Look for our upcoming new link for our new help line service. We are elated to announce this new service and out reach to those wives who are in need of phone support. The Founder is not a therapist, those holds degrees in woman studies and social sciences. Additionally, she has worked with thousands of cross dressers wives for several years. This service should be available soon for $50 an hour.
___________________________________________
Book Update
We are pleased to announce that our book about our lives as cross dressers wives will be published within the next 3-6months. If you are interested in submitting your story please read November 2009 Newsletter and submit your story by February 15th.
____________________________________________
Donations and Volunteer Positions
As a non-for-profit (NPO) charitable tax-deductible organization, we rely solely on contributions and grants to support our much-needed organization. Funds are low and grants during these difficult financial times are limiting our abilities to expand, despite the obvious need to do so. Every dollar can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO to develop outreach programs to worldwide cross dressers wives, who are in need of assistance. Please visit our links to make contributions or to volunteer your services to help us assist those women who are in need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence but not without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes-severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States alone, whose needs must be met. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor is vital.
______________________________________________________
Recommended reading:
When Your Lover is a Liar by Dr. Susan Forward
How Could You Do This To Me? Learning To Trust After Betrayal by Dr. Jane Greer
The Liar in Your Life by Robert Feldman
___________________________________________
Inspirational Quote
"I am wise and capable. I am my own best expert, my own authority about what is right for me. I have the courage to listen to my inner wisdom. (From the book, The Woman's Book of Courage by Sue Patton Thoele pg. 137)
______________________________________________________
Happy Valentines Day!!! Remember to love yourself.
Blessings,
The Founder
Thursday, December 31, 2009
WELCOME TO CROSS DRESSERS WIVES JANUARY 2010 NEWSLETTER
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hope you and yours had a nice holiday! As always, our non-for profit Cross Dressers Wives focuses our newsletters from a comon theme originating from our worldwide forum. This month’s topic is geared towards all of our newcomers.
There have been many new posts from cross dressers wives from all over the word. Most just found out and are in need of immediate support, assistance, guidance, education, TLC and compassion.
Many of us have posted onto the forum our initial responses upon discovering our husbands/partners are cross dressers. Some caught them dressed up; others found their stash of women clothes whereas others realized that their husbands have been frequent visitors on cross dressers sites. No matter how we found out, our reactions often have common threads. For those of us who had no clue- we are often in shock to discover this truth and many feel betrayed by the lies.
This is no easy journey for most of us. It is imperative that you do not blame yourselves for his widely known life long condition. It is not your fault. Also, take no responsibility for not knowing-how could you when many of them hide it for so well and often for so long?
Now that you know-it is time to take good care of yourself. Since knowledge is power, please visit our multifaceted links to education, research etc. This will aid you in deciphering what to do and expect. Also read prior posts on the forum as well as newsletters for diverse and crucial information. You can reach out to other cross dresser wives on the active forum and gain insight into how they are dealing with this issue.
It is vital for your well being not to hold his secret as your own. Secrets can hurt you. Please confide in your best friends, close family members, religious or spiritual leader and seek the help of a therapist. Couples therapy is often helpful as well. And building a strong support team is essential!!!
Many cross dressers wives have found much needed support from our forum-which is the engine that drives this non-for profit website. These incredible, brave, bright, intelligent, supportive and open cross dresses wives will assure you-you are not alone. There are millions of us in the US. But now we are not alone anymore! We have each other for support, information, guidance, compassion, understanding and assistance.
In essence there are no right or wrong answers as to what to do now that you know; it all boils down to a personal choice.
__________________________
BOOK UPDATE
We have received several stories and contracts. However we are still open to extending our deadline until January 30th 2010. Please contact The Founder atcdwives@gmail.com for details. All submissions thus far have been accepted and are very powerful. They will be useful to many others cross dressers wives. Thank you all for your participation!!
Positive Quote For The Month and New Year
“I have the right to have limits. I know my limits and allow myself to do what is reasonable for me.”
By Sue Patton Thoele, The Woman’s Book of Courage (pg 191).
______________________________
Blessings to all! May the New Year bring joy, happiness, clarity and good health!
The Founder
There have been many new posts from cross dressers wives from all over the word. Most just found out and are in need of immediate support, assistance, guidance, education, TLC and compassion.
Many of us have posted onto the forum our initial responses upon discovering our husbands/partners are cross dressers. Some caught them dressed up; others found their stash of women clothes whereas others realized that their husbands have been frequent visitors on cross dressers sites. No matter how we found out, our reactions often have common threads. For those of us who had no clue- we are often in shock to discover this truth and many feel betrayed by the lies.
This is no easy journey for most of us. It is imperative that you do not blame yourselves for his widely known life long condition. It is not your fault. Also, take no responsibility for not knowing-how could you when many of them hide it for so well and often for so long?
Now that you know-it is time to take good care of yourself. Since knowledge is power, please visit our multifaceted links to education, research etc. This will aid you in deciphering what to do and expect. Also read prior posts on the forum as well as newsletters for diverse and crucial information. You can reach out to other cross dresser wives on the active forum and gain insight into how they are dealing with this issue.
It is vital for your well being not to hold his secret as your own. Secrets can hurt you. Please confide in your best friends, close family members, religious or spiritual leader and seek the help of a therapist. Couples therapy is often helpful as well. And building a strong support team is essential!!!
Many cross dressers wives have found much needed support from our forum-which is the engine that drives this non-for profit website. These incredible, brave, bright, intelligent, supportive and open cross dresses wives will assure you-you are not alone. There are millions of us in the US. But now we are not alone anymore! We have each other for support, information, guidance, compassion, understanding and assistance.
In essence there are no right or wrong answers as to what to do now that you know; it all boils down to a personal choice.
__________________________
BOOK UPDATE
We have received several stories and contracts. However we are still open to extending our deadline until January 30th 2010. Please contact The Founder at
Positive Quote For The Month and New Year
“I have the right to have limits. I know my limits and allow myself to do what is reasonable for me.”
By Sue Patton Thoele, The Woman’s Book of Courage (pg 191).
______________________________
Blessings to all! May the New Year bring joy, happiness, clarity and good health!
The Founder
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Welcome to Cross Dressers Wives December 2009 Newsletter
Thriving Techniques!
Each Cross Dressers Wives NPO newsletter is geared towards a common theme stemming from our worldwide forum (also know as our safe haven). Many cross dressers wives pose the pertinent question, how can I survive living with a cross dresser? Others inquire, how can I let go of my anger and resentment towards my cross dressing husband or ex-cross dressing husband?
Often our experiences are driving our emotions in so many different directions. Sometimes it is too arduous to take inventory of our feelings – since they are often very mixed. Many still love their cross dressing husbands and want their marriages to prosper and grow; on the other hand, if you are a cross dresser’s wife who is deeply troubled by your husband’s most often life-long condition -how do you survive this baneful journey? Thrive by taking back your power.
_____________________________________________
Thriving Techniques
A necessary ingredient of thriving is that it is a form of action-not just ignoring nor denying the obvious problems affiliated with being married to a cross dresser. Take demonstrative actions that will enable you to become THRIVERS.
The following are simply a few suggestions as to how to become a ‘thriver’ vs. a survivor. Once you take action the power to thrive is available to you, but you have to be ready. Many need a time of mourning/grieving stages, as well as those who need to get beyond the stages of depression, sadness, anger and frequently Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It will demand that you take active steps to change your life into the way in which you want to live.
Build a much-needed support system. Confide in your best friends, closest family members, religious or spiritual leader. Engage in couples therapy or individual therapy. Seek out much needed assistance from others. Communicate with other cross dressers wives and stay active on our worldwide forum.
Develop a spiritual self. Douse yourself with spiritual/self help book, movies and various forms of literature. Exercise. Take up yoga; it can works miracles for your mind, body, soul and spirit. Journal daily. Draw a map of where you are right now and where you want to be. What steps do you need to take in order for you to get from A to Z?
Therapy, time, Tender Loving Care (TLC), support groups and making exciting plans for the future will all help you to utilize all of your tools, skills and life experiences. The aforementioned tips can all lead to becoming THRIVERS vs. survivors.
Remember, laughter is a healing mechanism. Yes, this may take some time and effort but it is worth going through the process. Plus it’s fun. Studies have shown that people who laugh more are healthier and a lot happier. So why not watch funny movies, read hilarious stories or go and have an enjoyable girls night out. You will live longer and happier! In addition, research has shown that having a pet enables you to live happier, healthier and longer lives.
Ultimately you must come to terms with the fact that you cannot change your cross-dressing husband’s condition. You only have the power to change yourself and the way in which you respond to him.
Taking productive action is a positive, healthy way to become a thriver.
Last but certainly not least, you have to forgive yourself (you did nothing but marry a cross dresser). However, you need to find a way to forgive him as well; not for his sake but for yours. Forgiveness is a choice and it does not equate to forgetting but just letting go…with forgiveness you can truly move forward in a much happier and healthier mode. You deserve this gift that appears to be his but it is benefits you even more.
The aforementioned techniques can all lead to becoming THRIVERS Vs. Survivors. The main differences between surviving and thriving is that surviving is just getting by, whereas thriving changes your lifestyle, empowers you to take much need productive action steps.
_____________________________________________
Thriving Affirmations and Enlightening Quotes
The following is a list of diverse and multi-faceted affirmations, tools and skills that can create, construct and buttress your thriving lifestyle.
1. The Woman’s Book of Confidence, by Sue Patton Theole, states, “I have the courage to pamper myself. I am worthy of receiving as well as giving. Pampering and taking care of myself is a healthy thing to do.”
2. Succulent Wild Women, by SARK, suggests, “Treat yourself as kindly as you do your best friend.” She encourages one to create her own healing book to support one’s own healing. “Become your own partner-marry yourself.”
3. The Language of Success, A Collection from Blue Mountain Press, A poem by Natasha Yosefowitz
Lose /Win
I have the path of
Failure
Frustration
Disappointment
Defeat
Because I have taken a chance on
Winning
Succeeding
Achieving
It takes a lot of the first
to get some of the second
4. Finding Joy: A Practical Spiritual Guide to Happiness, Daniel I. Schwartz, eloquently states, “ …happiness is less matter of bouncing back from defeat than making the routine parts of our lives seem interesting. It is so easy for us to go through day-to-day on cruise control, with our sense and minds disconnected. He continues, “…when we put ourselves on automatic we are merely going through the motions of life and not consciously noticing what’s going on around us.”
5. The Well-Being Journal: Drawing on Your Inner Power to Heal Yourself, Lucia Capacchione upholds, “Meditate on some ways in which you can get clear in your own life. What areas in your own personal environment need cleaning and clearing?" Capacchione purports, “ Write a plan of action for getting clear, for doing spring cleaning in your life. Make a list of things that you can get rid of…to lighten your load. List the worries, problems and burdens that you want to dispose of at this time. Make a schedule of weekly clearing activities in all areas of your life. Take it a bit at a time bit do it consistently.”
6. The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living, His Holiness, The Dali Lama and Howard C. Cutler, MD. Clearly believes, “ The very notion of our life is towards happiness...I believe the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness.”
7. Reinventing Your Life, J.E. Young, PhD and J.S. Klosko, Ph.D., suggest their readers to take their “ Mistrust and abuse questionnaire” located on page 85. I believe that this process can enable you to develop thriving tools in lieu of surviving tools.
8. Creating: A Guide to the Creative Process, by Robert Fritz. “Do not change unless it supports a specific result you want to create.”
9. The Divorce Remedy, by Michael Weiner Davis, observes, “People who stay together but don’t forgive live life in shallow, meaningless relationships. They just go through the motions, but feel no joy or closeness…choose love forgive.”
10. I Could Do Anything if I only knew what it was, by Barbara Sher and Barbara Smith, boldly state, “It was never part of your plan, so like any general in the field, when the unexpected happens and the whole operation changes you have to regroup…if your life has suddenly change, you, too have received an inheritance. Your gift may look more like a disaster to you now, but think about your situation. So think about your situation for a moment. Suddenly you have been
given a wide array of new choices – in effect, a second life.”
11. Perhaps adhering to The Serenity Prayer could also help: “God, light of my life, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.” I keep a copy of it in my purse.
Update On the NPO Book
Please note we have extended the NPO Book submissions to December 30th. Some have submitted their stories, signed the contracts and are in receipt of their compensation checks.
Please know that the Founder does not nor will own the rights to your courageous stories. The NPO owns the stories and the bulk of the proceeds will go to support and expand the NPO: Cross Dressers Wives.
Please know every submission thus far has been graciously accepted for our book! So congratulations to those whose stories will be included.
Anyone interested in submitting or simply have questions, please do not hesitate to contact me cdwives@gmailcom. I would be delighted to answer any of your pertinent questions. I am also willing to call you or provide my number if you prefer to discuss this matter. It is an exciting journey. We are on our way!!!
Donation Contributions
As a non-for-profit (NPO) charitable tax-deductible organization, we rely solely on contributions and grants to support our much-needed organization. Funds are low and grants during these difficult financial times are limiting our abilities to expand, despite the obvious need to do so. Every dollar can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO to develop outreach programs to worldwide cross dressers wives, who are in need of assistance. Please visit our links to make contributions or to volunteer your services to help us assist those women who are in need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence but not without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes-severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States alone, whose needs must be met. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our “high heels” (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor is vital.
May you all have a wonderful holiday seasons.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours!
Blessings,
The Founder
Each Cross Dressers Wives NPO newsletter is geared towards a common theme stemming from our worldwide forum (also know as our safe haven). Many cross dressers wives pose the pertinent question, how can I survive living with a cross dresser? Others inquire, how can I let go of my anger and resentment towards my cross dressing husband or ex-cross dressing husband?
Often our experiences are driving our emotions in so many different directions. Sometimes it is too arduous to take inventory of our feelings – since they are often very mixed. Many still love their cross dressing husbands and want their marriages to prosper and grow; on the other hand, if you are a cross dresser’s wife who is deeply troubled by your husband’s most often life-long condition -how do you survive this baneful journey? Thrive by taking back your power.
_____________________________________________
Thriving Techniques
A necessary ingredient of thriving is that it is a form of action-not just ignoring nor denying the obvious problems affiliated with being married to a cross dresser. Take demonstrative actions that will enable you to become THRIVERS.
The following are simply a few suggestions as to how to become a ‘thriver’ vs. a survivor. Once you take action the power to thrive is available to you, but you have to be ready. Many need a time of mourning/grieving stages, as well as those who need to get beyond the stages of depression, sadness, anger and frequently Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It will demand that you take active steps to change your life into the way in which you want to live.
Build a much-needed support system. Confide in your best friends, closest family members, religious or spiritual leader. Engage in couples therapy or individual therapy. Seek out much needed assistance from others. Communicate with other cross dressers wives and stay active on our worldwide forum.
Develop a spiritual self. Douse yourself with spiritual/self help book, movies and various forms of literature. Exercise. Take up yoga; it can works miracles for your mind, body, soul and spirit. Journal daily. Draw a map of where you are right now and where you want to be. What steps do you need to take in order for you to get from A to Z?
Therapy, time, Tender Loving Care (TLC), support groups and making exciting plans for the future will all help you to utilize all of your tools, skills and life experiences. The aforementioned tips can all lead to becoming THRIVERS vs. survivors.
Remember, laughter is a healing mechanism. Yes, this may take some time and effort but it is worth going through the process. Plus it’s fun. Studies have shown that people who laugh more are healthier and a lot happier. So why not watch funny movies, read hilarious stories or go and have an enjoyable girls night out. You will live longer and happier! In addition, research has shown that having a pet enables you to live happier, healthier and longer lives.
Ultimately you must come to terms with the fact that you cannot change your cross-dressing husband’s condition. You only have the power to change yourself and the way in which you respond to him.
Taking productive action is a positive, healthy way to become a thriver.
Last but certainly not least, you have to forgive yourself (you did nothing but marry a cross dresser). However, you need to find a way to forgive him as well; not for his sake but for yours. Forgiveness is a choice and it does not equate to forgetting but just letting go…with forgiveness you can truly move forward in a much happier and healthier mode. You deserve this gift that appears to be his but it is benefits you even more.
The aforementioned techniques can all lead to becoming THRIVERS Vs. Survivors. The main differences between surviving and thriving is that surviving is just getting by, whereas thriving changes your lifestyle, empowers you to take much need productive action steps.
_____________________________________________
Thriving Affirmations and Enlightening Quotes
The following is a list of diverse and multi-faceted affirmations, tools and skills that can create, construct and buttress your thriving lifestyle.
1. The Woman’s Book of Confidence, by Sue Patton Theole, states, “I have the courage to pamper myself. I am worthy of receiving as well as giving. Pampering and taking care of myself is a healthy thing to do.”
2. Succulent Wild Women, by SARK, suggests, “Treat yourself as kindly as you do your best friend.” She encourages one to create her own healing book to support one’s own healing. “Become your own partner-marry yourself.”
3. The Language of Success, A Collection from Blue Mountain Press, A poem by Natasha Yosefowitz
Lose /Win
I have the path of
Failure
Frustration
Disappointment
Defeat
Because I have taken a chance on
Winning
Succeeding
Achieving
It takes a lot of the first
to get some of the second
4. Finding Joy: A Practical Spiritual Guide to Happiness, Daniel I. Schwartz, eloquently states, “ …happiness is less matter of bouncing back from defeat than making the routine parts of our lives seem interesting. It is so easy for us to go through day-to-day on cruise control, with our sense and minds disconnected. He continues, “…when we put ourselves on automatic we are merely going through the motions of life and not consciously noticing what’s going on around us.”
5. The Well-Being Journal: Drawing on Your Inner Power to Heal Yourself, Lucia Capacchione upholds, “Meditate on some ways in which you can get clear in your own life. What areas in your own personal environment need cleaning and clearing?" Capacchione purports, “ Write a plan of action for getting clear, for doing spring cleaning in your life. Make a list of things that you can get rid of…to lighten your load. List the worries, problems and burdens that you want to dispose of at this time. Make a schedule of weekly clearing activities in all areas of your life. Take it a bit at a time bit do it consistently.”
6. The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living, His Holiness, The Dali Lama and Howard C. Cutler, MD. Clearly believes, “ The very notion of our life is towards happiness...I believe the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness.”
7. Reinventing Your Life, J.E. Young, PhD and J.S. Klosko, Ph.D., suggest their readers to take their “ Mistrust and abuse questionnaire” located on page 85. I believe that this process can enable you to develop thriving tools in lieu of surviving tools.
8. Creating: A Guide to the Creative Process, by Robert Fritz. “Do not change unless it supports a specific result you want to create.”
9. The Divorce Remedy, by Michael Weiner Davis, observes, “People who stay together but don’t forgive live life in shallow, meaningless relationships. They just go through the motions, but feel no joy or closeness…choose love forgive.”
10. I Could Do Anything if I only knew what it was, by Barbara Sher and Barbara Smith, boldly state, “It was never part of your plan, so like any general in the field, when the unexpected happens and the whole operation changes you have to regroup…if your life has suddenly change, you, too have received an inheritance. Your gift may look more like a disaster to you now, but think about your situation. So think about your situation for a moment. Suddenly you have been
given a wide array of new choices – in effect, a second life.”
11. Perhaps adhering to The Serenity Prayer could also help: “God, light of my life, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.” I keep a copy of it in my purse.
Update On the NPO Book
Please note we have extended the NPO Book submissions to December 30th. Some have submitted their stories, signed the contracts and are in receipt of their compensation checks.
Please know that the Founder does not nor will own the rights to your courageous stories. The NPO owns the stories and the bulk of the proceeds will go to support and expand the NPO: Cross Dressers Wives.
Please know every submission thus far has been graciously accepted for our book! So congratulations to those whose stories will be included.
Anyone interested in submitting or simply have questions, please do not hesitate to contact me cdwives@gmailcom. I would be delighted to answer any of your pertinent questions. I am also willing to call you or provide my number if you prefer to discuss this matter. It is an exciting journey. We are on our way!!!
Donation Contributions
As a non-for-profit (NPO) charitable tax-deductible organization, we rely solely on contributions and grants to support our much-needed organization. Funds are low and grants during these difficult financial times are limiting our abilities to expand, despite the obvious need to do so. Every dollar can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO to develop outreach programs to worldwide cross dressers wives, who are in need of assistance. Please visit our links to make contributions or to volunteer your services to help us assist those women who are in need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence but not without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes-severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States alone, whose needs must be met. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our “high heels” (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor is vital.
May you all have a wonderful holiday seasons.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours!
Blessings,
The Founder
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