Thriving Techniques! Each Cross Dressers Wives NPO newsletter is geared towards a common theme stemming from our worldwide forum (also know as our safe haven). Many cross dressers wives pose the pertinent question, how can I survive living with a cross dresser? Others inquire, how can I let go of my anger and resentment towards my cross dressing husband or ex-cross dressing husband?
Often our experiences are driving our emotions in so many different directions. Sometimes it is too arduous to take inventory of our feelings – since they are often very mixed. Many still love their cross dressing husbands and want their marriages to prosper and grow; on the other hand, if you are a cross dresser’s wife who is deeply troubled by your husband’s most often life-long condition -how do you survive this baneful journey? Thrive by taking back your power.
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Thriving Techniques
A necessary ingredient of thriving is that it is a form of action-not just ignoring nor denying the obvious problems affiliated with being married to a cross dresser. Take demonstrative actions that will enable you to become THRIVERS.
The following are simply a few suggestions as to how to become a ‘thriver’ vs. a survivor. Once you take action the power to thrive is available to you, but you have to be ready. Many need a time of mourning/grieving stages, as well as those who need to get beyond the stages of depression, sadness, anger and frequently Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It will demand that you take active steps to change your life into the way in which you want to live.
Build a much-needed support system. Confide in your best friends, closest family members, religious or spiritual leader. Engage in couples therapy or individual therapy. Seek out much needed assistance from others. Communicate with other cross dressers wives and stay active on our worldwide forum.
Develop a spiritual self. Douse yourself with spiritual/self help book, movies and various forms of literature. Exercise. Take up yoga; it can works miracles for your mind, body, soul and spirit. Journal daily. Draw a map of where you are right now and where you want to be. What steps do you need to take in order for you to get from A to Z?
Therapy, time, Tender Loving Care (TLC), support groups and making exciting plans for the future will all help you to utilize all of your tools, skills and life experiences. The aforementioned tips can all lead to becoming THRIVERS vs. survivors.
Remember, laughter is a healing mechanism. Yes, this may take some time and effort but it is worth going through the process. Plus it’s fun. Studies have shown that people who laugh more are healthier and a lot happier. So why not watch funny movies, read hilarious stories or go and have an enjoyable girls night out. You will live longer and happier! In addition, research has shown that having a pet enables you to live happier, healthier and longer lives.
Ultimately you must come to terms with the fact that you cannot change your cross-dressing husband’s condition. You only have the power to change yourself and the way in which you respond to him.
Taking productive action is a positive, healthy way to become a thriver.
Last but certainly not least, you have to forgive yourself (you did nothing but marry a cross dresser). However, you need to find a way to forgive him as well; not for his sake but for yours. Forgiveness is a choice and it does not equate to forgetting but just letting go…with forgiveness you can truly move forward in a much happier and healthier mode. You deserve this gift that appears to be his but it is benefits you even more.
The aforementioned techniques can all lead to becoming THRIVERS Vs. Survivors. The main differences between surviving and thriving is that surviving is just getting by, whereas thriving changes your lifestyle, empowers you to take much need productive action steps.
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Thriving Affirmations and Enlightening Quotes The following is a list of diverse and multi-faceted affirmations, tools and skills that can create, construct and buttress your thriving lifestyle.
1. The Woman’s Book of Confidence, by Sue Patton Theole, states, “I have the courage to pamper myself. I am worthy of receiving as well as giving. Pampering and taking care of myself is a healthy thing to do.”
2. Succulent Wild Women, by SARK, suggests, “Treat yourself as kindly as you do your best friend.” She encourages one to create her own healing book to support one’s own healing. “Become your own partner-marry yourself.”
3. The Language of Success, A Collection from Blue Mountain Press, A poem by Natasha Yosefowitz
Lose /Win
I have the path of
Failure
Frustration
Disappointment
Defeat
Because I have taken a chance on
Winning
Succeeding
Achieving
It takes a lot of the first
to get some of the second
4. Finding Joy: A Practical Spiritual Guide to Happiness, Daniel I. Schwartz, eloquently states, “ …happiness is less matter of bouncing back from defeat than making the routine parts of our lives seem interesting. It is so easy for us to go through day-to-day on cruise control, with our sense and minds disconnected. He continues, “…when we put ourselves on automatic we are merely going through the motions of life and not consciously noticing what’s going on around us.”
5. The Well-Being Journal: Drawing on Your Inner Power to Heal Yourself, Lucia Capacchione upholds, “Meditate on some ways in which you can get clear in your own life. What areas in your own personal environment need cleaning and clearing?" Capacchione purports, “ Write a plan of action for getting clear, for doing spring cleaning in your life. Make a list of things that you can get rid of…to lighten your load. List the worries, problems and burdens that you want to dispose of at this time. Make a schedule of weekly clearing activities in all areas of your life. Take it a bit at a time bit do it consistently.”
6. The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living, His Holiness, The Dali Lama and Howard C. Cutler, MD. Clearly believes, “ The very notion of our life is towards happiness...I believe the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness.”
7. Reinventing Your Life, J.E. Young, PhD and J.S. Klosko, Ph.D., suggest their readers to take their “ Mistrust and abuse questionnaire” located on page 85. I believe that this process can enable you to develop thriving tools in lieu of surviving tools.
8. Creating: A Guide to the Creative Process, by Robert Fritz. “Do not change unless it supports a specific result you want to create.”
9. The Divorce Remedy, by Michael Weiner Davis, observes, “People who stay together but don’t forgive live life in shallow, meaningless relationships. They just go through the motions, but feel no joy or closeness…choose love forgive.”
10. I Could Do Anything if I only knew what it was, by Barbara Sher and Barbara Smith, boldly state, “It was never part of your plan, so like any general in the field, when the unexpected happens and the whole operation changes you have to regroup…if your life has suddenly change, you, too have received an inheritance. Your gift may look more like a disaster to you now, but think about your situation. So think about your situation for a moment. Suddenly you have been
given a wide array of new choices – in effect, a second life.”
11. Perhaps adhering to The Serenity Prayer could also help: “God, light of my life, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.” I keep a copy of it in my purse.
Update On the NPO Book
Please note we have extended the NPO Book submissions to December 30th. Some have submitted their stories, signed the contracts and are in receipt of their compensation checks.
Please know that the Founder does not nor will own the rights to your courageous stories. The NPO owns the stories and the bulk of the proceeds will go to support and expand the NPO: Cross Dressers Wives.
Please know every submission thus far has been graciously accepted for our book! So congratulations to those whose stories will be included.
Anyone interested in submitting or simply have questions, please do not hesitate to contact me cdwives@gmailcom. I would be delighted to answer any of your pertinent questions. I am also willing to call you or provide my number if you prefer to discuss this matter. It is an exciting journey. We are on our way!!!
Donation Contributions
As a non-for-profit (NPO) charitable tax-deductible organization, we rely solely on contributions and grants to support our much-needed organization. Funds are low and grants during these difficult financial times are limiting our abilities to expand, despite the obvious need to do so. Every dollar can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO to develop outreach programs to worldwide cross dressers wives, who are in need of assistance. Please visit our links to make contributions or to volunteer your services to help us assist those women who are in need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence but not without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes-severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States alone, whose needs must be met. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our “high heels” (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor is vital.
May you all have a wonderful holiday seasons.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours!
Blessings,
The Founder
