The concept of them throwing out their lingerie, wigs and other female clothing is called ‘purging’. Purging is a very common theme amongst cross dressers. The evidence through research (though highly and sadly limited) clearly indicates that statically purging does not work.
According to Catherine Anderson’s 1991 article regarding purging, she states, “purging evades the root cause of cross dressing.” Furthermore, Anderson’s findings also strongly suggest that cross-dressing is done because it feels good and is worth the costs, the multitude of risks, embarrassment and guilt. She and several other researchers have concluded that the pleasure of cross-dressing is a condition.
Anderson states “…Purging denies this rational choice aspect. It merely tries to veto the choice by ultimation.’ Sadly her research indicates that purging is a lie because most cross dressers that have tried to purge and unfortunately realize it is only a matter of time when they start to rebuild a new wardrobe of female clothing. In a nutshell, the need to cross dress overpowers their desire to purge for a long period of time.
Another researcher, Magnus Hirchfeld, who coined the term transvestism in the early 1900’s, indicates that cross-dressing is highly correlated to sexual arousal (but not always). He further brings awareness that cross-dressing is not necessarily a fetish but more of a transvestic behavior.
So many prominent researchers in this limited field have similar findings. One primary finding is that cross-dressing is a condition and behavior. Additionally most researchers conclude purging is highly unsuccessful. How does this pertinent information impact our lives with our cross dressing husbands? If he is telling you (which many posts indicate) that he is now done and is no longer dressing in women’s’ clothing- it is highly unlikely that he is ultimately successful with this endeavor. This is not to imply he doesn’t want to stop but rather that it is out of his control and the sexual arousal of cross-dressing can be too overpowering.
For many cross dressers wives, it is not the condition alone that hurts us –it is the lies. The biggest lie is the one they tell themselves. However for many of us-these lies on top of so many before sadly detonates our trust in them and we question-are they telling us the truth?
Since research indicates that purging is often wishful thinking and unsuccessful, perhaps accepting that no matter how sincere he is about purging, statically he is not likely to succeed with this pursuit.
You can research purging by visiting cross dressers sites, read their postings, critically critique their research links and gather more information to help you better understand what your cross dressing husbands are undergoing and how his conduct impacts your life!!! Some wives are accepting, other’s set boundaries, some get out, and some find ways to live with it. It is a personal choice that only you can make. It is your life, your marriage/relationship and you need to do what is best for you. Self-awareness and self-care is essential!
Now that we know in most cases purging is futile and ineffective, what do we do with this information? Confront them? Look for the new bags of clothes or credit card receipts for lingerie, ignore it, ask him to compromise, keep you out of it, accept it as a part of your marriage? Stay despite the lies? Leave because of the lies? Try to communicate with the help of specialists in this field? The choice is yours.
There are no judgments; your emotions and concerns are all valid. Ladies, how you choose to deal with ‘purging’ is up to you and your cross dressing husband. Nevertheless, we firmly believe in education, research and connecting with other cross dressers wives to assist our diverse needs. The more we know about this life long condition, the better choices we can make for ourselves. Always know there are no right or wrong answers (except get OUT immediately if physical violence escalates.) Emotional and severe psychological violence that seriously impacts your daily life should also not be accepted-especially in a marriage. However, it is your choice to make and we are not here to judge your difficult decisions but to help you to decipher the complicated issues and consequences of being married to a cross dresser. No matter what your decision is, we are here to support your personal choice!
Research Information
Please review (and perhaps Google) the following researchers and information:
Catherine Anderson
The American Journal of Psychiatry. Google Robert Butler’s article: Transformations: Cross Dressers and Those Who Love Them.
Also utilize pertinent information from cross-dressers sites and their forums such as Crossdressers.com
Please find comfort in knowing you are far from alone. We are here along with thousands of cross dressers wives, from all over the world, who have kindly and openly shared their private stories onto our forum.
Blessings to each and every one of you,
The Founder
New Upcoming Additions to Our Forum
We have received hundred of requests for a help line. Since we have been unable at this time to obtain grants and enough donations we are planning on establishing a distinct hotline for cross dressers wives to speak with the Founder directly for a fee of $ 50 an hour. This special service will be available 3 days a week, at various hours to accommodate those living outside of the West Coast Region and will also allow for others living in other countries to contact us. Though, I am not a licensed therapist, I do hold several advanced degrees in social sciences and have had 4 years of researching this topic and developing this non for profit organization. But moreover, I am one of you! Our conversations will remain private and I will announce when this new link will be available.
Positive Thought for July’s Newsletter:
The following enlightening and powerful thought came from the book: The Woman’s Book of Confidence, by Sue Patton Thoele…
“I deserve to live in a safe environment. I have the courage to set limits and insist on respectful treatment. I respect myself.”
Volunteer and Contribution Link
We are in need of your assistance through donations and or to volunteer your services to help our non-for profit grow so that we can better serve you needs. Every dollar helps and your volunteerism is also highly appreciated, welcomed and much needed!
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