Topic For The Month
WE ALL MOURN IN DIFFERENT WAYS…
Dear Friends,
After recently losing my beloved father on July 20, 2011, I have come to know what it is to mourn the passing of a parent. I have learned (the hard way) that my family and friends all mourn in different ways. Sadly, this lesson has caused me great pain – pain that I never expected. The ones who were closest to me hurt me the most. I have been struggling with this during my time of mourning and recuperation. I cannot make any sense of why certain parties behaved so atrociously.
Now, by sharing my heartache and grief with my dear friends on the Forum, I ask that we all remain conscience of that fact that many of us are mourning the loss of a marriage or relationship that we thought we had with our cross dressing husband. It is imperative that we recognize that each and every one of us mourns in our own unique way and within our own timeframe.
Sadly, while two associates were monitoring the Forum during my recent absence, I was informed of some growing conflicts, hostility, and lack of respect sullying our safe haven. Once I did have the opportunity to return to our Forum, I saw many CDWs/partners lashing out at one another. While I thank the many of you who absolutely leapt to our Forum’s defense, the misconduct that took place broke my heart. The Forum, by definition, is… “an assembly or meeting place for the discussion of questions of public interest.” Additionally, our Forum uniquely deals with women who are in various stages of grief. Please remember to remain respectful of one another. We are all in the same boat; we might be on different decks or stages of grief, but we cannot sink the ship! We need each other!
Please know that I truly appreciate all the prayers and well wishes that I received during my hospital stay. More importantly, I must extend my heartfelt gratitude to all of you for your caring, support, and concern during the hardest days of my life, grieving the loss of my beloved father.
Blessings and Gratitude,
The Founder
P.S. From our Self-Help Page: DEALING WITH GRIEF
Stage 1: Denial - It is painful to let go of our perceived reality. We try to hold on to what we once knew and deny the situation of which we have no control. Once we accept that we cannot go back to the way to things were, we enter stage two.
Stage 2: Anxiety - We become worried and emotionally distressed about what is happening to our lives. Anxiety can express itself as hysteria, depression, lethargy, indifference or a catatonic stupor.
Stage 3: Anger - It is normal to feel betrayed, hurt and/or enraged. We have been lied to by his failure to reveal his true self.
Stage 4: Guilt - We wonder if his cross-dressing is our fault. Wasn't my femininity enough? Through education, we learn that his cross dressing is a life-long condition that starts in early childhood and has nothing to do with us.
Stage 5: Fear - It can be scary to begin a new life with no compass to help navigate unchartered waters, especially if we feel there is no one to turn to for help. We often fear he is homosexual, bi-sexual, or transsexual. We have fears of the unknown, because there are so few resources to explain what is happening in a relationship with a cross dresser.
Stage 6: Transition - We begin to work through the confusion and distress. We seek information and begin to see choices for our life ahead.
Stage 7: Transformation - There comes a time when we start to shift our thinking, examine our situation and resolve to embrace this passage into a new phase of life.
Stage 8: Acceptance - A choice has been made, to stay, compromise or to leave, and we begin to get our feet back on the ground. One may find it helpful to write a letter to your partner expressing forgiveness for the betrayal or any wrong that may have occurred. Once it is written, you can give it to them, throw it away, burn it, etc. This is an exercise to bring about one's own peace of mind.
HOTLINE
Cross Dressers Wives NPO offers live telephone consultation services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers’ wives. The Founder is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your Hotline consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. The basic fee is $50 an hour. The first 15 minutes is free.
HOTLINE TESTIMONIALS
"The hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."
“You have no idea. You’ve saved my life.”
"After my consultation, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the Founder is."
"The advice I received from the Founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."
"I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."
DONATIONS & VOLUNTEERS
We are a charitable, non-profit organization. All donations are tax deductible. Presently, we rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. In difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand our Hotline and international outreach resources. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop worldwide programs for cross dressers wives seeking assistance and support. Please visit our links to purchase our book, make a financial contribution, or volunteer your services to help us assist women in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion, and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial, and guilt. This does not come without enormous consequences. Sometimes, it is simply comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. All contributions are greatly appreciated.
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INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE
“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
Kahlil Gibran
(Lebanese American artist, poet, & writer, 1883 – 1931)
