Cross Dresser's Wives Monthly Newsletter

CROSS DRESSERS WIVES JANUARY 2012 NEWSLETTER

2012-01-03T16:53:00.001-08:00

TOPIC FOR THE MONTH –
Legalities of Cross Dressers/Transgenders/Transexuals

Happy, Healthy & Prosperous New Year. May all of your dreams become reality!!!

Today, with gender issues at the forefront of many top news stories, there are multiple unanswered questions surrounding the legal rights of cross dressers, transgenders, and transsexuals. For example, let’s examine the recent incident of a Macy's store employee who was fired because she would not allow a male-to-female transgender to use the ladies dressing room. Whose rights were violated? The transgender? The other women in their designated dressing rooms? Or the religious employee? So far, the jury is out. Allegedly, the employee is claiming faith-based reasons for refusing to allow a male cross dresser/transgender female into a female dressing room. The employee claims, based upon her religious beliefs, that it is a lie that the transgender is really a female. However, this country’s laws are supposed to be based upon the separation of church and state. The transgender did not feel comfortable in a male dressing room. Who is right? Could all parties have valid points and concerns? Perhaps…

Can we pretend for a moment that the transgender was our son? Would we want our son to be treated in a way in which he was made to feel uncomfortable? What if we were in the dressing room with our young children who were old enough to understand that there was a man dressed up like a woman in a Macy's women’s dressing room? Would you take action? What would that action look like? Things are really beginning to boil in regards to gender issues, and there are a lot of different types of confrontations that I highly suspect will be decided upon through the most legal avenue of all, the Supreme Court.

Macy’s has friendly Gay & Lesbian policies - allegedly written by a transsexual employee. Other stores like Nordstrom’s do not have ‘set standard policies’ but suggest their employees use common sense in instances such as this. If a cross dresser wants to try on a dress - if there is a third dressing area available - use that one instead. That way, no one is offended. But, really? I believe that at some point, as more and more cross dressers and transgenders come out of their closets and want to use other companies' closets to try on clothes, eventually major department stores will have policies in place to either let the customer choose - or let the employee choose. Either way, I clearly envision this ending up on the black-robed laps of Supreme Court Justices. I confess, I can see everyone’s perspective and do not envy those who will ultimately make the final decisions.

As this New Year unfolds, we must admit that times are a changing. If a cross dresser or transgender has come out of the closet, does that mean that they will now be shut out of store closets?

Please note that I am only trying to provoke people to think critically about these issues and try to get them to see things from a more circumspect point of view. I do not have the answers, only more questions.

Blessings & Gratitude,
Dee (AKA The Founder)

HOTLINE

Cross Dressers Wives NPO offers live telephone consultation services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers’ wives. The Founder is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife.

Please book your Hotline consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. The basic fee is $50 an hour. The first 15 minutes are free.

HOTLINE TESTIMONIALS

"The advice I received from the Founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"The hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

“You have no idea. You’ve saved my life.”

"After my consultation, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the Founder is."

"I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

DONATIONS & VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, non-profit organization. All donations are tax deductible. Presently, we rely almost solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. In difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand our Hotline and international outreach resources. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop worldwide programs for cross dressers wives seeking assistance and support. Please visit our links to purchase our book, make a financial contribution, or volunteer your services to help us assist women in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion, and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial, and guilt. This does not come without enormous consequences. Sometimes, it is simply comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. All contributions are greatly appreciated.

For privacy purposes, donations made by check may be made payable to ‘CDW’ or ‘CROSS DRESSERS WIVES.’ Credit card donations made via PayPal appear as ‘CDW.’
______________________________________________________________________

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“Truth keeps the hands cleaner then soap.” (West African Proverb taken from Abounding Grace by Dr. Scott Peck, pg. 252.)

CROSS DRESSERS WIVES DECEMBER 2011 NEWSLETTER

2011-12-02T16:52:00.000-08:00

TOPIC FOR THE MONTH –
“WHAT IS CROSS DRESSING?”

Of late, many of the newer wives on our Forum have repeatedly asked a common question – What is cross dressing and can my man be cured? What most of society thinks it knows about cross dressing is really nothing more than myth. Quite simply, cross dressing is defined as wearing clothing commonly associated with the opposite gender. Period. Cross dressing, or transvestism, implies no transgender, sexual, or homosexual motives.

Most often, cross dressing begins in early childhood and there is no known “cure” for this lifelong condition. Nature or nurture? The jury is out and few solid answers exist. Some social scientists will argue strongly that societal expectations of men are so rigid that in order to alleviate the stress of this expectation, men reach for women’s clothing as a method of balancing their masculine with their feminine side. Other social scientists will say the budding cross dresser is attempting to disassociate his or herself from the same-sex parent. Others argue that this is biochemically determined in utero.

Case in point, the recent blockbuster film J. Edgar starring Leonard DiCaprio as history’s most infamous cross dresser, FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover, clearly demonstrates classic signs of the developing cross dresser:

The young Hoover rejected and was dismissive of his insane father. Hoover adored and revered his dominant mother for her entire life. He had a tactile fascination with silky garments and shiny surfaces; the set for his bedroom overflows with lace doilies, his mother's jewelry, ivory and gleaming woods smooth to the touch, and delicate scarves tossed liberally over everything. Early in the film, it is established that Hoover can "keep a secret" and that "information is powerful." There is a strong sartorial undercurrent throughout the film.

Although the film depicts the extreme inner torment that Hoover suffers as a closeted homosexual cross dresser, this is not the norm. Overwhelmingly, studies show that 85% of cross dressers are heterosexual men who marry and father children with their often clueless wives. When a closeted cross dresser marries, he misrepresents himself. Our new book, The Cross Dresser’s Wife * Our Secret Lives, depicts in shocking emotional detail how such a secret can inflict untold harm on all involved.

As society is exposed to more and more truths about cross dressing, perhaps the shroud of absolute secrecy can be lifted. Knowledge and dialogue are needed to bust the myths and pull cross dressing out of the closet once and for all.

Merry Holidays!
Dee a.k.a. The Founder

HOTLINE

Cross Dressers Wives NPO offers live telephone consultation services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers’ wives. The Founder is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your Hotline consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. The basic fee is $50 an hour. The first 15 minutes are free.

HOTLINE TESTIMONIALS

"The hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

“You have no idea. You’ve saved my life.”

"The advice I received from the Founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"After my consultation, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the Founder is."

"I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

DONATIONS & VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, non-profit organization. All donations are tax deductible. Presently, we rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. In difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand our Hotline and international outreach resources. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop worldwide programs for cross dressers wives seeking assistance and support. Please visit our links to purchase our book, make a financial contribution, or volunteer your services to help us assist women in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion, and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial, and guilt. This does not come without enormous consequences. Sometimes, it is simply comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. All contributions are greatly appreciated.

For privacy purposes, donations made by check may be made payable to ‘CDW’ or ‘CROSS DRESSERS WIVES.’ Donations made via PayPal appear as ‘CDW.’

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“Watch for big problems. They disguise big opportunities.” The Complete Life’s Little Instruction Book, by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. (page 41)

CROSS DRESSERS WIVES NOVEMBER 2011 NEWSLETTER TOPIC FOR THE MONTH – GIVING THANKS

2011-11-01T19:25:00.001-07:00

Unexpected challenges may present additional opportunities for personal growth this holiday season, delivering a requirement for more self-compassion and decompression than usual. We all know that extra stress can mean more cross dressing on his part, so please take nice, deep, clean breaths and be thankful for all the good in your life. Remember, you are not alone. We are there. So smile!

It’s good to sit and take inventory of the reasons you have to be grateful and glad in life. Reflect on what is working as the mother-in-law arrives, he’s in drag, and your holiday to remember is racing ahead of you at an unstoppable velocity.

In my quieter moments, I marvel at how truly thankful I am to all of you, the women on the Forum. Your compassion, honesty, and heartfelt wisdom guide us all on a daily basis. Often, exchanges on the Forum bring me to tears – of joy. I am especially thankful to all the loyal and dedicated women who have remained an unwavering presence over the years. You have graciously extended of yourselves in order to take newcomers by the hand and lead them towards grace, hope and understanding. I am so thankful to all of you!

Many Blessings and Gratitude,
The Founder

P.S. On a separate note, a not entirely unexpected opportunity has presented itself to Cross Dressers Wives. As we continue to grow and gain momentum with the publication of our first book, The Cross Dresser’s Wife * Our Secret Lives, we have gained the attention of a television production company. They found us. Rest assured that the purpose and intention of this website remains focused on helping cross dressers wives and does not alter in any way.

This production company – we cannot disclose who yet – is very interested in developing a production about the unique struggles faced by many cross dressers and their wives. Their impressive track record includes thoughtful, provocative, and insightful programming that explores timely and progressive issues while maintaining the dignity and integrity of those involved. Presently, parameters of involvement remain unclear. I need to know… is anyone interested in participating? If so, please email me regarding ‘CDW TV’ @ cdwives@gmail.com with your thoughts. Thank you.

HOTLINE

Cross Dressers Wives NPO offers live telephone consultation services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers’ wives. The Founder is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your Hotline consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. The basic fee is $50 an hour. The first 15 minutes are free.

HOTLINE TESTIMONIALS

"The hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

“You have no idea. You’ve saved my life.”

"The advice I received from the Founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"After my consultation, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the Founder is."

"I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

DONATIONS & VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, non-profit organization. All donations are tax deductible. Presently, we rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. In difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand our Hotline and international outreach resources. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop worldwide programs for cross dressers wives seeking assistance and support. Please visit our links to purchase our book, make a financial contribution, or volunteer your services to help us assist women in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion, and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial, and guilt. This does not come without enormous consequences. Sometimes, it is simply comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. All contributions are greatly appreciated.

For privacy purposes, donations made by check may be made payable to ‘CDW’ or ‘CROSS DRESSERS WIVES.’ Donations made via PayPal appear as ‘CDW.’
______________________________________________________________________

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“Nothing is impossible to a valiant heart.”
Jeanne D’Albret (motto adopted by her son, Henry IV, c. 1550)

CROSS DRESSERS WIVES OCTOBER 2011 NEWSLETTER

2011-09-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

TOPIC FOR THE MONTH -
OUR SECRET IS OUT!

Our first book, The Cross Dresser’s Wife * Our Secret Lives, is FINALLY available! Congratulations, this book is a physical manifestation of us all! This is a monumental accomplishment for Cross Dressers Wives NPO and all cross dressers’ wives and partners who have shared similar experiences. Every woman who has posted on our worldwide Forum over the years has contributed towards this dream of having our voices heard.

Speaking of voices, here is a mere sprinkling of the glowing reviews we have already received from those in the know:

“A much needed book, a window into a secret world few know about. A book of courage, wisdom and truth, whose voices will inspire many women to tell their stories and reclaim their lives! Brava!”
Veronica De Laurentiis, Best Selling Author of Rivoglio La Mia Vita (Claiming My Life)

“This book provides support and compassion to women who may be struggling with their issues as cross dressers’ wives. There is no doubt that the stories and insights presented here are vital for anyone who is on a journey of self-actualization.”
Gary Quinn, Best Selling Author of Living in the Spiritual Zone

“A riveting and important collection of memoirs that will not only appeal to cross dressers and their wives, but to all in relationships in which someone is harboring a shame-based secret. More importantly, this book has the potential to open up serious dialogue about the after-effects of closeted cross dressing and the devastation that results from such unnecessary stigma.”
Nicole Criona, LA Writers Group (LAwritersgroup.com)

“This book is a pioneering foray into painful territory previously foreign to most of us. The stories are sad, illuminating and gripping to read. They are tales of dreams poisoned, of trust betrayed, and of the toxic and infectious fruits of social ostracism; this book’s reach extends beyond its immediate subject.”
Anne M. Strick, Author of All the Doors to Hollywood and How to Open Them, Injustice For All, Intimate Strangers, and The Rebel Princess

Along this journey from dream to reality, we have certainly learned a multitude of lessons. We have learned to trust ourselves, trust the process, and ultimately trust the universe. By communicating honestly and openly about our experiences, The Cross Dresser’s Wife * Our Secret Lives will help guide cross dressers’ wives and society as a whole into an entirely new realm of compassion, understanding, and enlightenment.

HOW TO PURCHASE OUR BOOK

1. For readers within the United States, please visit THE BOOK’S BRAND NEW WEBSITE:

http://www.crossdresserswives.com/revision/oursecretlives.html

In addition to purchasing our book at a reduced price, you may discover further information in regards to future news items, reviews, events, and more.

2. For readers outside of the United States, please order your book copies by visiting:

www.createspace.com/3497141

3. Additionally, the book will be available on Kindle very soon and on Amazon.com (US).

Heartfelt gratitude must again go out to the brave Forum authors who chose to stand up and share their courageous stories with the world:

The Queen Of Denial by Queen Of Denial
The Golden Nugget by Saddened
Gaslighting by Shelly
His Favorite Woman by Natalie
Mr. Wonderful by me, The Founder

Blessings and Gratitude,
The Founder

HOTLINE

Cross Dressers Wives NPO offers live telephone consultation services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers’ wives. The Founder is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your Hotline consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. The basic fee is $50 an hour. The first 15 minutes are free.

HOTLINE TESTIMONIALS

“You have no idea. You’ve saved my life.”

"The advice I received from the Founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"The hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

"After my consultation, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the Founder is."

"I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

DONATIONS & VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, non-profit organization. All donations are tax deductible. Presently, we rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. In difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand our Hotline and international outreach resources. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop worldwide programs for cross dressers wives seeking assistance and support. Please visit our links to purchase our book, make a financial contribution, or volunteer your services to help us assist women in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion, and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial, and guilt. This does not come without enormous consequences. Sometimes, it is simply comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. All contributions are greatly appreciated.

For privacy purposes, donations made by check may be made payable to ‘CDW’ or ‘CROSS DRESSERS WIVES.’ Donations made via PayPal appear as ‘CDW.’

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“To speak of mere words is much like speaking of mere dynamite.” C. J. Ducasse

CROSS DRESSERS WIVES SEPTEMBER 2011 NEWSLETTER

2011-09-02T06:31:00.001-07:00

TOPIC FOR THE MONTH
RE-EMPOWERMENT

My co-editor on our soon-to-be best-selling book, The Cross Dresser’s Wife * Our Secret Lives, recently returned from a first trip to Sedona, Arizona. In the midst of photographing, hiking, and standing in awe of the massive red rock monuments and energy vortexes that inhabit this mystical region, I made it a point to set up a meeting between my co-editor and the same astrologer who seven years ago was the first to forecast www.crossdresserswives.com, the book(s) to follow, and more!

My co-editor was informed by our astrologer friend that August would be a time of trial and tribulation, meant to test our resolve and reveal what we are capable of withstanding. I checked in, and as we near the end of this month, my co-editor has confirmed that indeed, as predicted, “August sucked.”

With September upon us, so marks the unfortunate anniversary of 9/11, one of history’s greatest atrocities. Ironically, this is also an ideal astrological time to focus our positive energy on strengthening communications with those who share our world and with our inner self, where all true communication is born. Lately, we may not have been in the mood to talk about or express any truths in our heart other than anger or bitterness. However, according to our Sedona astrologer friend, the planets are encouraging all of us to downplay our differences and talk about mutual needs and concerns; what it is we share in common.

Now, perhaps more than ever before, cross dressers’ wives are more capable of looking deeply into our novel, thorny issues and discovering new, unimaginable opportunities for much-needed healing. Our Forum will continue to be utilized for encouraging, healing encounters, with cross dressers’ wives helping cross dressers’ wives free one another from old destructive patterns and enabling all of us to pursue more enlightened and peaceful paths. Please allow September to re-empower you to meet the future with renewed insights and confidence!

God bless all whose lives were lost and touched by 9/11.

Blessings and Gratitude,
The Founder

HOTLINE

Cross Dressers Wives NPO offers live telephone consultation services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers’ wives. The Founder is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your Hotline consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. The basic fee is $50 an hour. The first 15 minutes are free.

HOTLINE TESTIMONIALS

"The advice I received from the Founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"The hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

“You have no idea. You’ve saved my life.”

"After my consultation, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the Founder is."

"I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

DONATIONS & VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, non-profit organization. All donations are tax deductible. Presently, we rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. In difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand our Hotline and international outreach resources. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop worldwide programs for cross dressers wives seeking assistance and support. Please visit our links to purchase our book, make a financial contribution, or volunteer your services to help us assist women in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion, and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial, and guilt. This does not come without enormous consequences. Sometimes, it is simply comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. All contributions are greatly appreciated.

For privacy purposes, donations made by check may be made payable to ‘CDW’ or ‘CROSS DRESSERS WIVES.’ Donations made via PayPal appear as ‘CDW.’

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“The only time you have to succeed is the last time you try.” Philip H. Knight, former CEO and current Chairman of the Board of Nike, from The Most Important Things I Have Learned In Life, p. 92.

Cross Dressers Wives AUGUST 2011 Newsletter

2011-08-05T17:40:00.000-07:00

Topic For The Month

WE ALL MOURN IN DIFFERENT WAYS…

Dear Friends,

After recently losing my beloved father on July 20, 2011, I have come to know what it is to mourn the passing of a parent. I have learned (the hard way) that my family and friends all mourn in different ways. Sadly, this lesson has caused me great pain – pain that I never expected. The ones who were closest to me hurt me the most. I have been struggling with this during my time of mourning and recuperation. I cannot make any sense of why certain parties behaved so atrociously.

Now, by sharing my heartache and grief with my dear friends on the Forum, I ask that we all remain conscience of that fact that many of us are mourning the loss of a marriage or relationship that we thought we had with our cross dressing husband. It is imperative that we recognize that each and every one of us mourns in our own unique way and within our own timeframe.

Sadly, while two associates were monitoring the Forum during my recent absence, I was informed of some growing conflicts, hostility, and lack of respect sullying our safe haven. Once I did have the opportunity to return to our Forum, I saw many CDWs/partners lashing out at one another. While I thank the many of you who absolutely leapt to our Forum’s defense, the misconduct that took place broke my heart. The Forum, by definition, is… “an assembly or meeting place for the discussion of questions of public interest.” Additionally, our Forum uniquely deals with women who are in various stages of grief. Please remember to remain respectful of one another. We are all in the same boat; we might be on different decks or stages of grief, but we cannot sink the ship! We need each other!

Please know that I truly appreciate all the prayers and well wishes that I received during my hospital stay. More importantly, I must extend my heartfelt gratitude to all of you for your caring, support, and concern during the hardest days of my life, grieving the loss of my beloved father.

Blessings and Gratitude,
The Founder

P.S. From our Self-Help Page: DEALING WITH GRIEF

Stage 1: Denial - It is painful to let go of our perceived reality. We try to hold on to what we once knew and deny the situation of which we have no control. Once we accept that we cannot go back to the way to things were, we enter stage two.

Stage 2: Anxiety - We become worried and emotionally distressed about what is happening to our lives. Anxiety can express itself as hysteria, depression, lethargy, indifference or a catatonic stupor.

Stage 3: Anger - It is normal to feel betrayed, hurt and/or enraged. We have been lied to by his failure to reveal his true self.

Stage 4: Guilt - We wonder if his cross-dressing is our fault. Wasn't my femininity enough? Through education, we learn that his cross dressing is a life-long condition that starts in early childhood and has nothing to do with us.

Stage 5: Fear - It can be scary to begin a new life with no compass to help navigate unchartered waters, especially if we feel there is no one to turn to for help. We often fear he is homosexual, bi-sexual, or transsexual. We have fears of the unknown, because there are so few resources to explain what is happening in a relationship with a cross dresser.

Stage 6: Transition - We begin to work through the confusion and distress. We seek information and begin to see choices for our life ahead.

Stage 7: Transformation - There comes a time when we start to shift our thinking, examine our situation and resolve to embrace this passage into a new phase of life.

Stage 8: Acceptance - A choice has been made, to stay, compromise or to leave, and we begin to get our feet back on the ground. One may find it helpful to write a letter to your partner expressing forgiveness for the betrayal or any wrong that may have occurred. Once it is written, you can give it to them, throw it away, burn it, etc. This is an exercise to bring about one's own peace of mind.

HOTLINE

Cross Dressers Wives NPO offers live telephone consultation services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers’ wives. The Founder is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your Hotline consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. The basic fee is $50 an hour. The first 15 minutes is free.

HOTLINE TESTIMONIALS

"The hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

“You have no idea. You’ve saved my life.”

"After my consultation, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the Founder is."

"The advice I received from the Founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

DONATIONS & VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, non-profit organization. All donations are tax deductible. Presently, we rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. In difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand our Hotline and international outreach resources. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop worldwide programs for cross dressers wives seeking assistance and support. Please visit our links to purchase our book, make a financial contribution, or volunteer your services to help us assist women in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion, and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial, and guilt. This does not come without enormous consequences. Sometimes, it is simply comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. All contributions are greatly appreciated.

For privacy purposes, donations made by check may be made payable to ‘CDW’ or ‘CROSS DRESSERS WIVES.’ Donations made via PayPal appear as ‘CDW.’

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
Kahlil Gibran
(Lebanese American artist, poet, & writer, 1883 – 1931)

CROSS DRESSERS WIVES JULY 2011 NEWSLETTER TOPIC FOR THE MONTH – ROMANCE & AN AFTERMATH OF DIVORCE

2011-06-29T05:07:00.000-07:00

This past month, I have received quite a few inquiries regarding my romantic life after my divorce from my cross dressing husband of twenty years. This is not the most comfortable topic for me, so I apologize for not addressing it earlier. In fact, at the moment I’m single but that was not always the case…

Before my marriage, I was breezy and outgoing, not to mention a lot younger. I could afford to be picky - and I was. Being away from the dating scene for so long left me feeling scared, unprepared, and reluctant to trust any new guy. All I could think was, Another man is going to touch me? See me naked? Other than my husband? What if he turns out to be a cross dresser? Two full years passed before I ever seriously considered a new lover.

Then, on a summer night when I least expected it, I met a man outside a party in Beverly Hills. I stepped out for a breath of fresh air and there he was, my soon-to-be first post-divorce boyfriend. He is adorable, very keen on affection. His gentleness put me at ease. He is sweet and made me laugh and feel like I was twenty again. I could confide my struggles in him. In addition to light and music, he made it easy for me to usher trust, passion, love, and spirituality back into my life.

However, our timing never seemed quite right. Our relationship swung back and forth like a pendulum, with one of us always feeling more serious than the other, and vice-versa. Currently, we are committed to remaining close lifelong friends.

Approximately four months after my breakup with my first post-divorce boyfriend #1, one winter night I pulled my car up to another party and parked. It was dark. There weren’t many cars around, not yet. As I waited for my friend to arrive so that we could go inside together, I noticed a big black luxury car parking across the street. Immediately, I sensed a strong ominous energy. The driver did not move. I figured he was another party guest but I also knew he was a man and I was alone. Finally, other guests began arriving and I joined the crowd moving inside. As I passed through the front gates, I heard his car door close.

Once inside the party, he found me. Is he really walking up to me?, I was thinking as this tall Valentino, in a creamy vanilla linen blazer, approached me. He turned out to be really nice. We talked on the phone for ten days before our first official date. He slept on my couch for weeks before proceeding to the bedroom. In spite of feeling loved, protected and safe together, unfortunately we each brought unresolved issues from former marriages into the relationship. We dated exclusively for exactly one year and remain close friends today.

The bottom line is, in spite of my painful divorce from a cross dresser who lied to me about it for decades, I went on to love again. Both times. Truly. Moving on means living with an open heart. Also, I understand my cross dressing ex-husband now more than ever. Forgiving is not easy and I’m still in the process. Nonetheless, I still believe in love…

Blessings and Gratitude,
The Founder
_______________________________________________________
HOTLINE

Cross Dressers Wives NPO offers live telephone consultation services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers’ wives. The Founder is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your Hotline consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. The basic fee is $50 an hour. The first 15 minutes is free.

HOTLINE TESTIMONIALS

“You have no idea. You’ve saved my life.”

"The hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

"After my consultation, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the Founder is."

"The advice I received from the Founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."
_________________________________________________________________
DONATIONS & VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, non-profit organization. All donations are tax deductible. Presently, we rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. In difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand our Hotline and international outreach resources. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop worldwide programs for cross dressers wives seeking assistance and support. Please visit our links to purchase our book, make a financial contribution, or volunteer your services to help us assist women in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion, and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial, and guilt. This does not come without enormous consequences. Sometimes, it is simply comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. All contributions are greatly appreciated.

In addition to recent website upgrades such as the Language Translator – which allows our website to be viewed in over 50 languages - we are hoping to expand our international outreach while publishing our second best-selling book exposing the secret lives of cross dressers’ wives!

For privacy purposes, donations made by check may be made payable to ‘CDW’ or ‘CROSS DRESSERS WIVES.’ Donations made via PayPal appear as ‘CDW.’
______________________________________________________________________
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“I am willing to be willing to forgive _____.
I am willing to forgive _____.
I forgive _____.”
Sue Patton Thoele, The Woman’s Book of Courage – Meditations For Empowerment & Peace Of Mind, p. 43.

CROSS DRESSERS WIVES JUNE NEWSLETTER 2011 TOPIC FOR THE MONTH – OUR SAFE HAVEN

2011-05-31T08:25:00.000-07:00

Everyday, thousands upon thousands of anonymous CDWs post, read, and/or participate on our worldwide Forum. This international gathering of women represents a diverse collage of cultures and personalities, ages and stages, socioeconomic and religious differences, intentions and expectations. Our safe haven is a sacred place to talk, listen, share, and support one another. (Let the rest of the world beat the cr*p out of us!) I’m not saying bursts of anger shouldn’t be vented on the Forum. We don’t need to agree. A healthy conversation is an exchange of varying ideas, facts, and emotions. Perhaps any rushes to judgment towards other CDWs might be slowed down, especially when dealing with CDWs or SO’s who just found out. Our situations remain unique, yet in spite of our differences, we have much more in common. We are all exquisitely sensitive to one key issue: cross dressing.

Over the last few weeks, the Forum has been quite active. Disagreements between CDWs (in different stages of their journey) have flared up and gratefully but not unexpectedly resolved themselves. CDWs rushed to the aid of a stranger, providing their personal contact information to an ailing CDW who just found out. The hotline was busier than usual. After receiving approvals from all sides, I put several CDWs in touch who intend to reach out to one another on a more personal level. I will always do what I can to foster and enhance healthy relationships between CDWs. Meetings are being planned, friends and new relationships are being formed. Actions determine our further state and this Forum is of our creation. Pat yourselves on the back for having the courage to post and to look for and offer help. Thank you to all of you who continue to support and maintain our safe haven.

Stay tuned for more website updates, further announcements about our book’s publication this summer, and yes, Live Chats! I apologize that they have been delayed. Having never gone through the Herculean process of publishing a book before, I had no idea how much was involved. The Cross Dresser’s Wives ~ Our Secret Lives has been a tremendous responsibility and my most cherished challenge yet.

Happy summer!

With Untold Blessings & Gratitude,
The Founder
______________________________________________________________________

HOTLINE

Cross Dressers Wives offers live telephone consultation services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers’ wives. She is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your Hotline consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. The first 15 minutes is free. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.

HOTLINE TESTIMONIALS

“You have no idea. You’ve saved my life.”

"The hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

"After my consultation, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the Founder was."

"The advice I received from the Founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."
_________________________________________________________________

DONATIONS & VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, non-profit organization. All donations are tax deductible. Presently, we rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. In difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand our Hotline and international outreach resources. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop worldwide programs for cross dressers wives seeking assistance and support. Please visit our links to purchase our book, make a financial contribution, or volunteer your services to help us assist women in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion, and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial, and guilt. This does not come without enormous consequences. Sometimes, it is simply comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. All contributions are greatly appreciated.

Although presently swamped with the publication and launch of our first best-selling book, The Cross Dresser’s Wives ~ Our Secret Lives, we are hoping to expand international Hotline services, produce ongoing Live Chats, process and assess the results of the thousands of Cross Dressers Wives Questionnaires we have received over the years, & publish our next best-selling book exposing the secret lives of the cross dresser’s wives!

** PLEASE NOTE, for privacy purposes, donations made by check may be made payable to ‘CDW’ or ‘CROSS DRESSERS WIVES.’ Donations made via Paypal appear as ‘CDW.’
______________________________________________________________________

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

“The best mind-altering drug is truth.” Lily Tomlin (American actress, 1939 -)

&

“Read not to contradict and confute; nor to believe and take for granted; nor to find talk and discourse; but to weigh and consider.” Francis Bacon (English philosopher, 1561 – 1626)

Cross Dressers Wives May Newsletter 2011

2011-04-29T16:26:00.001-07:00

Topic For The Month – Our Bill Of Rights

When first building this website, I had to think carefully about what it was I hoped to attain. I couldn’t go back and alter my own past but I could alter my journey, my path, and those of others like me. Denial. Sex. Manipulation. Is he gay? Does he want to be a woman? Romantic betrayal. Staying until our nests are empty. Dealing with these and other monumental issues alone can prove daunting, so how do we conquer and take control of this situation that many of us married into?

Once www.crosssdresserswives.com was established and women starting posting onto the Forum, many questioned the whereabouts of our rights (to know before marriage, etc.) While researching a pro-cross dressing website, I discovered a bill of rights and immediately knew the time had come for OUR OWN BILL OF RIGHTS!

If you have not already done so, please visit our website’s Bill Of Rights link. Many have commented how the Cross Dressers Wives Bill Of Rights has helped them. Some have even printed it and read it everyday to help remind themselves of the basic rights every cross dresser’s wife is entitled to…

BILL OF RIGHTS

1. I have the right to know PRIOR to marriage/ cohabitation -
not to be lied to at the altar.

2. I have the right to be open and honest with any one I choose.

3. I have the right to feel a range of all emotions without compromise.

4. I have the right to accept or reject the practice of cross dressing - including sexual acts.

5. I have the right to refuse to participate or be exposed to the practice of cross dressing.

6. I have the right to choose whether or not to stay in the relationship.

7. I have the right to insist on therapy if choosing to stay in the relationship.

8. I have the right to have open communication about cross dressing -
no elephants in the room.

9. I have the right to protect our children and set age-appropriate boundaries
from possible psychological trauma.

10. I have the right to have my choices respected.

Blessings & Gratitude,
The Founder
______________________________________________________________________

PHONE CONSULTATION

In April 2010, we began Consultation Services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your phone consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.

CONSULTATION TESTIMONIALS

"...the hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

"...after my consultation with the founder, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the founder was."

"…the advice I received from the founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"Thank you founder for providing much needed resources for me."

"...I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."
_________________________________________________________________

DONATIONS AND VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated.

PLEASE NOTE, for privacy purposes, donations made by check may be made payable to ‘CDW’ or ‘CROSS DRESSERS WIVES.’ Donations made via Paypal now appear as ‘CDW.’
______________________________________________________________________

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“No matter how much I protest, I am totally responsible for everything that happens to me in my life.” Wayne W. Dyer, Your Sacred Self, p. 36.

Cross Dressers Wives April Newsletter 2011 Topic For The Month – WE’RE EXPECTING!!!

2011-03-29T04:44:00.000-07:00

No April Foolin’!

I want to take this moment and thank every single cross dresser’s wife who has ever taken the time to post on our worldwide Forum. Your voices have been heard. You are no longer alone. Together, we all have built a safe haven for cross dressers’ wives around the world to anonymously gain and give support, learn the scientific research, and work through our deepest darkest pain without fear of judgment.

On Labor Day 2009, an idea sprouted organically from the Forum. On that day, our voices conceived a baby, an idea about sharing our stories. The gestation period has been prolonged, endured its share of obstacles and challenges, yet today, I am thrilled to announce

THE CROSS DRESSER’S WIFE – OUR SECRET LIVES

is in our third trimester! The baby has dropped and is in birthing position. With the recent submission of our manuscript to the publishers, the countdown has begun!

Never before has the subculture of cross dressing and the secret lives of their struggling wives/partners been so exposed! While Cross Dressers Wives remains respectful and supports the rights of cross dressers, transgenders, gays and lesbians, and all subjugated people everywhere, it is time we step out of our closets. Our issues remain largely unknown. Most of society does not even know that we exist because, most often, the cross dresser’s wife doesn’t tell. Until now.

Authors from our Forum who stepped forward to write their dramatic, shocking, and emotional stories should be congratulated. Though looking back and reliving the pain was not easy, it was a cathartic journey overall. Now, for the first time, it is our pleasure to announce the five Authors who contributed their stories to the upcoming bestseller The Cross Dresser’s Wife – Our Secret Lives:

1. The Queen Of Denial
by
Queen Of Denial

2. The Golden Nugget
by
Saddened

3. Gaslighting
by
Shelly

4. His Favorite Woman
by
Natalie

5. Mr. Wonderful
by
The Founder

Initial editorial feedback from professional authors, doctors, publicists, and editors familiar with the publishing world has been almost 100% through-the-roof positive. In fact, response has been so strong that we are already in the process of constructing Volume 2. PLEASE NOTE, we want to know about your journey. Any cross dresser’s wife interested in sharing her story, whether in the United States or abroad, should please contact the Founder @ cdwives@gmail.com. If possible, please denote ‘Book Volume 2’ in your subject line. Once accepted, you will be financially compensated for your story.

By busting the myths, dispelling the taboo, and telling the truth about how many relationships don’t work if a closeted cross dresser misrepresents himself and marries, I am expecting our book to be a golden force for positive change the world over!

Blessings and Untold Gratitude,
The Founder

_________________________________

PHONE CONSULTATION

In April 2010, we began Consultation Services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist, she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your phone consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.

CONSULTATION TESTIMONIALS

"...the hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

"...after my consultation with the founder, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the founder was."

"…the advice I received from the founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"Thank you founder for providing much needed resources for me."

"...I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."
_________________________________

DONATIONS AND VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated.
_________________________________

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“We have a secret in our culture, it’s not that birth is painful, it’s that women are strong.” (Laura Stavoe Harm)

Cross Dresser’s Wives March Newsletter 2011

2011-03-03T18:04:00.000-08:00

Topic For The Month – Conquering Depression

We must learn to process trauma. No one can do that but you. If you don't, it WILL come back to bite you in the *ss. Find a way, whether through therapy, counseling, a psychic, prayer, meditation, exercise, journaling, asking yourself questions no one else will ask, but never stop working on yourself. Don't just say 'I'm going to let it go,' really process and work through your pain; call it emotional follow-through. Find the faith, encourage peace and order within yourself; we must know our true emotions. Clean out your emotional closets, take back your power!

So many posts of late mention the distress, depression, and darkness that confront the cross dresser's wife. Everyone is different, but our quandary is uniquely labyrinthine. Find support, be gentle and love yourself, and know that the journey can strengthen and empower you in ways you might never imagine.

May the angels be with us all.

With love, respect, gratitude and blessings,

The Founder

____________________________________

CONSULTATION SERVICE

In April 2010, we began one-on-one Consultation Services with The Founder.  She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers’ wives.  She is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife.

Currently, we are offering a free 15-minute initial phone consultation.  Please book your phone consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com.  The basic fee is $50 an hour.

CONSULTATION TESTIMONIALS

"...the hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

"...after my consultation with the founder, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the founder was."

"…the advice I received from the founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"Thank you founder for providing much needed resources for me."

"...I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

______________________________________________________________________

DONATIONS & VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization.  Donations may be made out to ‘CDW’ and are tax deductible.  We rely solely on donations and grants to support our invaluable services.  Currently, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop worldwide outreach programs for cross dressers wives seeking assistance, guidance, information, and support.

Please visit our link to make a contribution in the name of ‘CDW’ or volunteer your services to help us assist women in dire need of understanding, guidance, education, and compassion.  Many of us have lived too long in silence, denial and guilt, with enormous consequences.  It is comforting to simply know that you are not alone!  There are millions of us throughout the world whose unique needs must be met.  All contributions are greatly appreciated.

______________________________________________________________________

BOOK UPDATE

Dear Authors,

We are currently finalizing details with the publisher and expect a publication announcement soon!

With blessings and gratitude,

The Founder

______________________________________________________________________

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

"Learn how to let information flow through you. Ask your angels to come forth and teach the stillness of knowing your being is powerful." May The Angels Be With You by Gary Quinn, p. 146.

Cross Dressers Wives February 2011 Newsletter

2011-02-01T08:26:00.000-08:00

Topic For The Month: To Tell Or Not to Tell?

There has been so much activity on our worldwide forum lately about whether or not to tell someone that your husband or partner is a cross dresser. Some of the forum posts purport that they do not tell because their cross dressing husbands told them not to and how can they go against his wishes or demands?

We are forced to ask… What wife would want to risk any potential professional, political, or social ramifications due to exposing her husband’s kinky dark secret?

I am forced to ask… Was your cross dressing husband honest about his cross dressing before he married you? In many sad cases, the answer is NO. Yet, you are expected to share in the responsibility of hiding his secret, which has become your secret too, and abstain from getting any of the support you may so desperately need? You need all of the positive resources available to you. If you keep silent, most likely it will cause you more pain.

This is why our worldwide forum is so important. Sharing and caring for one another, guiding ourselves through the queer turmoil nighttime can bring, many of us are in desperate need of someone who can simply listen and hear us. When most cd wives unburden their secret, it is to their best friend, a religious or spiritual leader, close family member, or a therapist. This is not to imply that the listener will be able to advise you accordingly, but the result will most likely be one of RELIEF.

With love, respect, gratitude & blessings,

The Founder

Live Chat

Many have requested that we do live chats. Thanks to all of you – and especially a few earnest volunteers – we are due to begin our live chats in February. Please check the forum for the dates!!! So looking forward to it!

_________________________________________

Consultations

In April 2010, we began one-on-one Consultation Services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers’ wives. She is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife.

We are offering a free 15-minute initial phone consultation. Please book your phone consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. The basic fee is $50 an hour.

Consultation Testimonials

"...the hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

"...after my consultation with the founder, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the founder was."

"…the advice I received from the founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"Thank you founder for providing much needed resources for me."

"...I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

_________________________________________

Donations & Volunteers

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. Donations may be made out to ‘CDW’ and are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our invaluable services. Currently, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop worldwide outreach programs for cross dressers wives seeking assistance, guidance, information, and support.

Please visit our link to make a contribution in the name of ‘CDW’ or volunteer your services to help us assist women in dire need of understanding, guidance, education, and compassion. Many of us have lived too long in silence, denial and guilt, with enormous consequences. It is comforting to simply know that you are not alone! There are millions of us throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. All contributions are greatly appreciated.

Book Update

Our book cover is still in the finishing stages, as well as the introduction. We are only a few weeks away from having our book in the hands of the publisher! Again, a huge thank you to our Authors and everyone who has helped us along the way!

_________________________________________

Inspirational Quote

“A tragedy can turn out to be our greatest good if we will approach it in ways from which we can grow.” (Heart Thoughts by Louise L. Hay, pg.98)

Cross Dresser’s Wives January Newsletter 2011

2011-01-07T13:37:00.000-08:00

Topic For The Month – Eudaimonia (yu-day-moan-ee-ya)

Strolling through my favorite bookstore, I chanced upon a surprisingly inspirational and thought provoking book by Ethel Diamond: Aristotle Would Have Liked Oprah - Lessons For The Living And Other Philosophical Musings. I opened up a page from the middle of the book and, as synchronicity would have it, I was on the first page of the chapter specifically about Oprah.

According to Diamond, the Greek philosopher Aristotle (384 BC – 322 BC) held that “...the good life and happiness were inextricably bound together.” Yes, I could easily hear Oprah agreeing with those wise words. Aristotle, like Oprah, shared the ethos that happiness and the good life come from living a successful life. “It is a total experience that involves conducting your activities and your relationships in the best possible ways.” Oprah has done hundreds of shows based on this topic.

Aristotle, a teacher of Alexander the Great and student of Plato, the founder of the first institution of higher learning in the Western world, acknowledges that there are many challenges to obtaining happiness, success, and the good life. He maintains that the most difficult challenges come not from our enemies but “…the hardest victory is the victory over self.” Once this is achieved, a wonderful feeling of bliss will arise. Aristotle had a name for this state of bliss: eudaimonia. Oprah buttresses that belief system and so should we.

The only power we do have is over ourselves. Change is needed in most of our lives. It has to come from us. The victory will be blissful…let us all reach the level of Eudaimonia in 2011!!!

Have a happy, healthy, eudaimonic New Year!!!

With love, respect, gratitude and blessings,

The Founder

_______________________________________

CONSULTATION SERVICE

In April 2010, we began one-on-one Consultation Services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers’ wives. She is not a licensed therapist; she is a former cross dresser’s wife.

Currently, we are offering a free 15-minute initial phone consultation. Please book your phone consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. The basic fee is $50 an hour.

CONSULTATION TESTIMONIALS

"...the hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

"...after my consultation with the founder, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the founder was."

"…the advice I received from the founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"Thank you founder for providing much needed resources for me."

"...I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

_______________________________________

DONATIONS & VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. Donations may be made out to ‘CDW’ and are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our invaluable services. Currently, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop worldwide outreach programs for cross dressers wives seeking assistance, guidance, information, and support.

Please visit our link to make a contribution in the name of ‘CDW’ or volunteer your services to help us assist women in dire need of understanding, guidance, education, and compassion. Many of us have lived too long in silence, denial and guilt, with enormous consequences. It is comforting to simply know that you are not alone! There are millions of us throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. All contributions are greatly appreciated.

_______________________________________

BOOK UPDATE

Dear Authors,

The book has a new title. We are meeting with powerful publicists. The stars are aligning. Spring 2011 is the date. Get ready.

With blessings and gratitude,

The Founder

_______________________________________

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“Let the will to believe empower you.”

(Aristotle Would Have Liked Oprah - Lessons For Living And Other Philosophic Musings by Ethel Diamond, pg. 102.)

Cross Dresser’s Wives December’s Newsletter 2010 Topic For The Month - Dressing While Stressing

2010-11-29T15:33:00.000-08:00

During the flurry of the holiday season, everything escalates. While dealing with company, travel, religious activities, shopping, cooking, wrapping gifts, and keeping the kids busy while out of school, the cross dresser's wife will most likely carry even more stress than the average wife and mother. She might be forced to ask herself...

How will my cross dressing husband handle his additional holiday stress? According to statistics, studies, questionnaires and posts from our worldwide forum, a cross dresser is much more likely to find relief through cross dressing when he is stressed.

Hustle and bustle can mean more stress with less opportunity to relieve it.

Be prepared, have your eyes wide open, and recognize where your husband's additional holiday stress may truly be stemming from. Also, if your husband is walking around relieved today after being stressed out yesterday, he may have found time to do more than simply hang out beneath the mistletoe.

Knowledge will empower your actions which can change your life for the better. 2011 and beyond!

Happiest of Holidays & Best Wishes To All,

The Founder

_______________________________

FREE PHONE CONSULTATION

We are offering a free 15-minute phone consultation. In April, we began Consultation Services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist, she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your free 15-minute phone consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.

CONSULTATION TESTIMONIALS

"...the hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

"...after my consultation with the founder, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the founder was."

"…the advice I received from the founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"Thank you founder for providing much needed resources for me."

"...I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

_______________________________

DONATIONS AND VOLUNTEERS

Make a donation in your honor to help forward the work of this very important organization. 2011 will be our biggest year yet!

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands.) A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival.

_______________________________

BOOK UPDATE

Our publishing contract has been signed!

After much due diligence and meeting with some extremely creative and exciting experts, our final cover design is being crafted!

We have received an additional story! It is currently being edited and will not push back our publication date!

The book will be out first quarter 2011!

Every thanks in the world to the cross dressers' wives who have bravely contributed their anonymous stories; and to all wives and partners who have contributed to our forum and made it the worldwide power-base for cross dressers' wives struggling with this issue.

With blessings and gratitude,

The Founder

_______________________________

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

"All the answers to all the questions you are ever going to ask are right here within you. Every time you say, I don't know, you shut the door to your own wisdom." (Heart Thoughts by Louise Hay, p. 78.)

--
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This communication and any attachments may contain information that is legally privileged or confidential and is intended only for the use of the individual or entity to whom it is addressed. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any use, dissemination, distribution, copying or disclosure of this communication and any attachments is strictly prohibited. If you have received this in error, please notify us immediately then permanently delete this communication. Thank you.

crossdresserswives.com

Cross Dresser’s Wives November’s Newsletter 2010 Topic For The Month – Revenge? Think twice…

2010-10-31T06:40:00.000-07:00

Over the years, there have been forum posts about getting revenge on someone’s cross dressing husband or ex-husband. “Sweet is revenge,” said the infamous Lord Byron, author of Don Juan.

According to many social researchers, most people’s fantasies involving revenge towards someone who has betrayed them results in a satisfied emotional state. However, the results of many tests indicate that if one chooses to act on vengeful thoughts, it is not gratifying. Instead, revenge can and often does make people feel worse. Many believe forgiveness is divine…

If a cross dresser’s wife is seeking revenge, living well is the best form! So, live well ladies!

Blessings,
The Founder

_____________________________________

FREE PHONE CONSULTATION

We are offering a free 15-minute phone consultation. In April, we began Consultation Services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist, she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your free 15-minute phone consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. The basic fee is $50 an hour.

CONSULTATION TESTIMONIALS

"...the hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

"...after my consultation with the founder, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the founder was."

"…the advice I received from the founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"Thank you founder for providing much needed resources for me."

"...I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

_____________________________________

DONATIONS AND VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands.) A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival.

_____________________________________

BOOK UPDATE

Dear Authors,

Again, many thanks to you, our contributing authors, for sharing your brave stories. Guess what? We just received a commitment for an additional story! In addition, queries have been sent regarding someone inspirational to write our Forward. We are still open to suggestions. All in all, we are more convinced than ever that our end result will be a powerful and enlightening tome. We are steadily getting closer to publication!

In addition, we would like to reiterate that every means possible is being taken to ensure anonymity; all identities of those involved are indeed well camouflaged. To repeat, it is not the intention of the upcoming book(s) to disparage, reveal, or “out” anyone, only to share the emotional tunnels dug in order for these wives to survive. By sharing with others like us and not like us, it is our hope to cast more understanding on this issue. Truly horrifying twists and turns can await the unwitting cross dresser’s wife if the secret is buried too deep. It should not have to be this way.

Stay tuned for updates on our sure to be best-selling book about our secret lives as cross dressers wives!

With blessings and gratitude,
The Founder

_____________________________________

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“I have the courage to focus on beauty even in the midst of pain.” (Sue Patton Thoele’s The Woman’s Book Of Courage, p. 231).

Cross Dresser’s Wives October’s Newsletter 2010 Topic For The Month - Halloween

2010-10-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

Since our inception, Cross Dresser’s Wives has received over 1000 responses to our Questionnaire. Question #4 asks ‘Looking back, what signs did you miss or ignore prior to discovering your partner was a cross-dresser?’ Overwhelmingly, many cross dresser’s wives responded that their husbands insisted on dressing up as women every year. However, cross dressers are far from a monolithic group; NOT all men who wear female costumes on Halloween are cross dressers. However, it is a significant night for many cross dressers. Halloween provides them with the freedom of dressing up as they wish while still keeping their secret.

Trick or Treat?

The Founder

_______________________________

FREE PHONE CONSULTATION

We are offering a free 15-minute phone consultation. In April, we began Consultation Services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences, and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist, she is a former cross dresser’s wife. Please book your free 15-minute phone consultation by contacting cdwives@gmail.com. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.

CONSULTATION TESTIMONIALS

"...the hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

"...after my consultation with the founder, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the founder was."

"…the advice I received from the founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"Thank you founder for providing much needed resources for me."

"...I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

_______________________________

DONATIONS AND VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands.) A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival.

_______________________________

BOOK UPDATE

Dear Authors,

Again, many thanks to you, our contributing authors, for sharing your brave stories. We are moving full speed ahead towards publication. Our goal is closer than ever!

After multiple consultations with our online publisher, we have been advised that the book is still a few months away from being published. We have been working diligently on every phase of the book to ensure it achieves its creative zenith.

Additionally, we are delighted to announce that we have received yet another cross dresser’s wife’s story. This additional narrative will surely buttress the book.

Stay tuned for updates on this much-anticipated collection of stories about our secret lives as cross dressers wives.

With blessings and gratitude,

The Founder

_______________________________

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“Women are like tea bags. They don’t know how strong they are until they get into hot water.” Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 – 1962)

Cross Dressers Wives September’s Newsletter 2010 Topic for The Month: My Gratitude

2010-09-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for your much needed participation on our worldwide forum. Your contributions, input, sharing, understanding, insights, strength, openness, and compassion have provided invaluable support for cross dressers wives all over the world, including myself! All of your posts fuel the engine that drive this site.

Almost five years ago, I was in the maddening throes of desperation, confusion, and isolation. There seemed to me no way out. My back was up against the wall and there was no one there with me.

Even though I was in therapy, my therapist was very limited in how she could help me. I searched and searched for answers and could find none. As an academic and a feminist, I realized I had to find my own way, but how could I find other women in my position?

My therapist recommended a healing center in Sedona and there it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was the spiritual healers (who knew absolutely nothing about me) that encouraged me to take action by taking back my life. First, I had to get a website up for cross dressers wives, then write a book, and the idea would propel itself onwards from there. In addition to getting the word out, I was helping myself and helping others.

I was desperate for help. After losing my home, family, and the love of my life, I had been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. A key thing the first healer said was that I had suffered “severe sexual abuse in my marriage.” I had never thought of my husband’s cross dressing in those terms. Then, when I thought about it more carefully, I realized (with her help) that this was definitely a part of the pain and trauma.

Many times, what gets lost in the tsunami of misunderstood emotion is the simple fact that many of us feel our husbands gradually slipping away. Hopefully, we are developing new ways to defeat that sense of powerlessness. Thank you!

With Gratitude and Blessings,
The Founder

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

FREE PHONE CONSULTATION

We are offering a free 15-minute phone consultation. In April we began our Consultation Services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist, however, she is a former cross dressers wife. lease book your free 15-minute phone consultation by contacting us at cdwives@gmail.com. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.

CONSULTATION TESTIMONIALS

"...the hour I spent speaking with you made me feel better than the year I spent in therapy."

"...after my consultation with the founder, I realized my therapist was not the expert on cross dressers wives - the founder was."

"…the advice I received from the founder about setting boundaries was a big help to my marriage."

"Thank you founder for providing much needed resources for me."

"...I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have someone I could talk to about this that has shared this experience."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

DONATIONS AND VOLUNTEERS

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our, "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands.) A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

BOOK UPDATE

Dear Authors,
Thank you for sharing the brave stories that will inevitably help cross dressers wives and their families the world over. It is our ultimate goal to help illuminate a path towards better understanding of this often-misunderstood condition that has affected us all. By drawing this topic out of the darkest closets, you are helping to provide an educational resource that will encourage other cross dressers wives to open up and share their emotional stories.
We are thrilled to announce that our deadline for the book, unforeseen circumstances notwithstanding, to our online publisher is October 1, 2010. If we are still awaiting your signed contract or author questions from the editor, please provide this information at your very earliest convenience.
We will keep everyone updated on this much-anticipated collection of stories about our lives as cross dressers wives.
With blessings and gratitude,
The Founder

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

" I know in each moment I am free to decide." (Your Sacred Self, by Dr. Wayne Dryer, Page 4).

Cross Dressers Wives August Newsletter 2010

2010-07-31T07:19:00.000-07:00

Topic for the month: Female Cross Dressers

So many people associate cross-dressing solely with men. It is important to acknowledge that many scientists uphold transvestites can be men or women. However, it is much more noticeable to see a man dressed up in woman’s clothing and realize he is either a transvestite, transgender or transsexual, but it is not as noticeable for a woman.

Many women wear lots of men’s clothing styles; such as masculine jeans, bulky sweatshirts, flannel shirts, work boots, and even business suits. The difference is, some societies do not place the same stigma on women for wearing men’s clothes, in or out of the bedroom.

It is interesting to note, The DSM-III-R (the bible for psychologists and psychiatrists) in the past have not included women as transvestites. Some social scientists argue that women who wear men’s clothing cannot be considered transvestites because they do not have sexual or erotic feelings while dressing in men’s clothes. However, other scientists will argue that there are women cross dressers and that some of them do claim to find cross-dressing sexually pleasurable. Some women cross dressers have claimed that simply dressing in a man’s suit results in immediate sexual gratification (Cross Dressings, Sex, And Gender by Vern L. and Bonnie Bullough pgs. 302-303).

This is another demonstrative case in point where social scientists are not all in agreement with the multifaceted issues of cross-dressing. Is it any wonder why so many cross dressers wives are confused!?

Blessings,

The Founder

______________________________________________

FREE PHONE CONSULTATION

We are offering a free 15-minute phone consultation. In April we began our Consultation Services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist, however, she is a former cross dressers wife. Please book your free 15-minute phone consultation by contacting us at cdwives@gmail.com. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.

______________________________________________

Donations and Volunteers

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our, "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival.

______________________________________________

Book Update

Our book, about our Lives As Cross Dressers Wives, is currently being edited. We have two new foreign stories. Please know anyone interested in submitting her story may contact us at cdwives@gmail.com. All of our stories are anonymous and all participants will receive compensation for their five to twenty-five page story. Please note; we are not seeking writers per say, just your story to enlighten others about the experiences of some cross dressers wives.

______________________________________________

Inspirational Quote

“All the answers to all the questions you are ever going to ask are right here within you. Every time you say, ‘I don’t know,’ you shut the door to your own wisdom.”

(Taken from Louise Hay’s, Heart Thoughts: A Treasury of Inner Wisdom, page 78.)

Cross Dressers Wives July Newsletter 2010

2010-07-01T19:23:00.000-07:00

Topic of the Month: His Lingerie

As many of you have stated on the forum and in our survey, it is highly common for many cross dressers to wear silky feminine clothes and or lingerie.

In the book, 7 Secrets, by Lacy Leigh, she addresses the issue of the bedroom trap (pg.118). In essence the aforementioned acknowledges that if your encounters with your cross dressing husband is virtually only in the bedroom and he is wearing lingerie, it is very common for the wife/partner to assume cross dressing is all about sex. However, it is much more complicated than that.

According to many hundreds of our forum posts and to our surveys, some cross dressers only ‘dress up’ the bedroom. In fact, our uncontrolled and random sample survey indicates the following:

15% of cross dressing husbands only dress in lingerie while in the bedroom.
10% do not dress in lingerie according to their wives/partners.
25% of cross dressers wives chose not to answer this question.
50% answered that sometimes their husbands dress in lingerie in the bedroom.

Many cross dressers claim they just love the feel of silk on them. However, so many of our stories indicate that even when we purchase silk men’s underwear for them, they choose not to wear it. Logic would dictate that it is not SILK that drives them to wear silky lingerie.

Social scientists are still debating why this occurs. All we know for sure is that some cross dressers only dress in lingerie while in the bedroom. However, that is not to say they are not cross dressing in other pieces of woman’s clothing when we are not present. Perhaps they are wearing lingerie under their everyday clothes.

Lacy Leigh urges cross dressers to disclose this information early on in the relationship. She also suggests to cross dressers not to scare their wives (who do not know yet, or just found out) by cross dressing in front of them. Leigh states, You’ll only reinforce her worst fears if you begin too soon (pg117). For many of us, our worst fears have materialized in the form of silk…

Blessings,
The Founder
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FREE PHONE CONSULTATION
We are offering a free 15-minute phone consultation. In April we began our Consultation Services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist, however, she is a former cross dressers wife. Please book your free 15-minute phone consultation by contacting us at cdwives@gmail.com. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.
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Donations and Volunteers

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our, "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Book Update

Our book, Our Lives As Cross Dressers Wives, is currently being edited. Anyone interested in submitting her story may contact us at cdwives@gmail.com. All of our stories are anonymous and all participants will receive compensation for their five to twenty-five page story. Please note; we are not seeking writers per say, just your story to enlighten others about the experiences of some cross dressers wives.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Inspiration Quote

It’s a good thing we have the denial system, because it allows us to cover our wounds and still function. But once we no longer have any wounds or any poisons, we don’t need to lie anymore.” (The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz).

Cross Dressers Wives June Newsletter 2010

2010-05-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

Topic of the Month: Our Health

Welcome to all participants of our Forum and website. Many have expressed problems and concerns regarding their general well-being, as well as their physical and emotional health.

We have examined the survey results of an informal randomly selected sample of fifty cross dresser wives. Here are the results:

1) 36% indicated they are experiencing suicidal thoughts.
2) 47% are currently taking anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and/ or sleeping medication.
3) 73% have never been on these types of medication prior to being exposed to their cross dressing partners.
4) 57% are presently undergoing psychotherapy due to these circumstances. (Many other women have indicated that they would seek therapy if it were affordable to them.)

It is vital to understand that this was not a controlled, scientific study. However, it is relevant to note that there appears to be a direct correlation between cross dressers wives and these maladies. Find comfort in knowing you are not alone if you are encountering these aforementioned conditions.

On a less formal note, in my many years of study on this topic, I have found some of these other symptoms to be typical: alcoholism, drug addiction, erratic behavior, lack of energy, depression, anxiety, and many other negative symptoms.

Here are some helpful tips that may benefit your health and well-being:

1) Build a support team (friends, close family members, religious or spiritual leader.)
2) Seek counseling.
3) Exercise increases your endorphins (yoga, Pilates, walking, bike riding, and swimming, etc.)
4) Meditation.
5) Eat healthy foods and drink plenty of water.
6) Journal or read a good uplifting book.
7) Try to get twenty minutes of sunshine daily (increases endorphins, vitamin D, and combats insomnia.)
8) Open your shades and try to get outside everyday (maintain good grooming and personal hygiene.)
9) Pray if so inclined.
10) Befriend and communicate with another cross dressers wife from this Forum.

Remember to LOVE yourself!

FREE PHONE CONSULTATION
We are offering a free 15-minute phone consultation. In April we began our Consultation Services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, an M.A. in Social Sciences and has worked with over one thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist, however, she is a former cross dressers wife. Please book your free 15-minute phone consultation by contacting us at cdwives@gmail.com. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.

Donations and Volunteers

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our, "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival.

Book Update

Our book, Our Lives As Cross Dressers Wives, is currently being edited. Anyone interested in submitting her story may contact us at cdwives@gmail.com. All of our stories are anonymous and all participants will receive compensation for their five to twenty-five page story. Please note; we are not seeking writers per say, just your story to enlighten others about the experiences of some cross dressers wives.

Inspirational Quote

“Write down any positive feedback you’ve ever gotten, from other people or from circumstances. Put copies of this feedback list everywhere, and read it often” (Finding Your Own North Star authored by Martha Beck).

Cross Dressers Wives May Newsletter 2010

2010-05-01T11:10:00.000-07:00

Topic Of The Month: Take advantage of our May only Free 15 minute phone consultation.

For the month of May we are offering a free 15-minute phone consultation. Last month we began our consultation services with The Founder. She holds a BA in Women Studies, a M.A. in Social Sciences and has worked with over a thousand cross dressers wives. She is not a licensed therapist, however, she is a former cross dressers wife. Please book your free 15-minute phone consultation by contacting us at cdwives@gmail.com. Our basic fee is $50 an hour.
____________________
Donations and Volunteers

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times, funds are short, limiting our ability to expand and help those in need. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who seek assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or volunteer your services to help us assist these women who are in dire need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous consequences. It is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our, "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival.

____________________

Book Update

Our book, Our Lives As Cross Dressers Wives, is currently being edited. Anyone interested in submitting her story may contact us at cdwives@gmail.com. All of our stories are anonymous and all participants will receive compensation for their five to twenty-five page story. Please note; we are not seeking writers per say, just your story to enlighten others about the experiences of some cross dressers wives.

Inspirational Quote

“I know I am strengthened as I seek to make truth my personal reality” (Your Sacred Self by Wayne Dyer, page 222).

Cross Dressers Wives April Newsletter 2010

2010-03-31T07:50:00.000-07:00

Topic Of The Month: Spring is time for renewal.

Many of us are struggling with ways to renew ourselves. Now is the perfect time!

What do we have in our power in order to change our lives? We hold the key by accepting the fact that being married to a cross dresser is no easy task. For many of us however, it is a multi-task learning process. The journey of acceptance begins by coming to terms with the fact that we do not possess the power to change our cross dressing spouses/partners. We only have the power to change ourselves, no easy task. This precious knowledge can lead to a sense of peace and serenity. Take this power, refocus your energies each day and change your life one step at a time.

Spring is a great time to focus on self-renewal. A part of our new beginning in the renewal process comes from accepting what has been lost in many of our relationships and to discover ways to bring about new life skills for self-renewal. This is our time to blossom but we need to make sure we have sufficient water, food, sun and TLC to do so! The key is to be good and kind to ourselves and the rest will begin to fall into place.

Blessings,
The Founder

________________________________________________________________
Donations and Volunteers

We are a charitable, nonprofit organization. All donations are tax deductible. We rely solely on donations and grants to support our much-needed services. During these difficult financial times funds are short, limiting our ability to expand. Every dollar we raise can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO develop outreach programs for worldwide cross dressers wives who are in need of assistance and support. Please visit our links to make a contribution or to volunteer your services in order to help us assist these women who are in dire need of; support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence, denial and guilt. This has not come without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone! There are millions of us in the United States and throughout the world whose unique needs must be met. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our, "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor may often be essential for our survival. ________________________________________________________________
New Consultation Link

We are elated to announce a new service and outreach program for those wives who are in need of one-on-one telephone support. The Founder is not a licensed therapist, though holds a degree in Women’s Studies and has earned a M.A. in Social Sciences. Additionally, she has worked with literally thousands of cross dressers wives for years. This service is now available for $50 an hour by appointment only. Please contact The Founder at cdwives@gmail.com for an appointment or more information.
________________________________________________________________
Inspirational Quote

“ When you always do your best, you take action”. ( The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz).

________________________________________________________________

Inspirational Books

Transitions by William Bridges
Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck

Cross Dressers Wives March Newsletter 2010

2010-02-25T16:25:00.001-08:00

Topic for the month: Healing Process

There have been many posts inquiring how to begin the healing process. Some techniques work better for some, but it is to our advantage to experiment on a diversity of healing tools and skills to see which ones help each individual.

According to Dr. Susan Forward’s book, When Your Lover Is a Liar, writing a letter of grief from the standpoint of a fighter-not a victim is the key. She upholds it is vital to take a firm stand with your grief and display your determination to get through it. Some would suggest writing the letter and sharing it with your husband/partner, keep it for yourself, burn it or rip it up. The important element is to release your emotions in a healthy way in order to help you get passed your grief. Dr. Forward also states that adding a bit of humor can also be beneficial (page 135).

Additionally, confrontation can be a positive way to find clarity. Learn to ask for what you need, want, desire and set clear boundaries for a happier and healthy lifestyle. What is best for you is always a personal choice. Nonetheless, healing is a way to begin your new life.

To further enhance your new life, Dr. Jane Greer suggests in her book, How Could You Do This To Me?, there are many lessons to live by. She elaborates on the necessity to identify your true feelings and rebuild your self-esteem by trusting your emotions and your own judgment She purports that by utilizing these fundamental tasks, you will be able to trust again, with your heart and eyes wide open (page 180).

Donations and Volunteers

As a non-for-profit (NPO) charitable tax-deductible organization, we rely solely on contributions and grants to support our much-needed organization. Funds are low and grants during these difficult financial times are limiting our abilities to expand, despite the obvious need to do so. Every dollar can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO to develop outreach programs to worldwide cross dressers wives, who are in need of assistance. Please visit our links to make contributions or to volunteer your services to help us assist those women who are in need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence but not without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes-severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States alone, whose needs must be met. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor is vital.

New Consultation Link

We are elated to announce this new service and out reach to those wives who are in need of phone support. The Founder is not a therapist, those holds degrees in Women’s Studies and M.A. in Social Sciences. Additionally, she has worked with thousands of cross dressers wives for several years. This service is available now for $50 an hour by appointment only. Please contact the founder at cdwives@gmail.com

Inspirational Quote

“ You were born with the right to be happy. You were born with the right to love, enjoy and to share love. You are alive, so take your life and enjoy it ” by Don Miguel Ruiz from his book, The Four Agreements (page 84).

Cross Dressers Wives February's Newsletter 2010

2010-01-30T14:20:00.000-08:00

Now That You Have Decided to Leave Him

Hope you and yours are all well. As always we are gearing this months newsletter towards a common theme from our forum. There has been a lot of correspondence from many cross dressers wives who are contemplating leaving their marriages and wondering how to leave. Please note, we are not encouraging anyone (other that someone who is being physically abused) to dissolve their marriage. However, for those who want and need to leave their marriage, we want to support their needs and desires.

Many cross dressers wives have been in a long term holding pattern waiting for the next high heel to drop, others contemplate leaving, some stay with boundaries, some live as roommates while others do end up divorcing their cross dressing husbands.

For those of you who wish to leave and are looking for ways to go on with your lives I would like to share a recent posting on the forum. I had her permission to post her comments in this newsletter. It is just one of many stories that I, like many of you, found it to be significant and helpful to those who want and need to reclaim their lives-without their spouses.

This post is from of our beloved Shelly

Dear How to: It sounds like you are in the same situation as I was in during the last few months of my marriage. Does this sound familiar to you: By the time my H realized that he had pushed me too far, that he was losing control over me, it was simply too late. I told him I was leaving. I had been lied to repeatedly, I had been blamed for not accepting him, I had been manipulated and isolated for yrs. He decided that we should start over, put everything behind us, and live happily ever after. He "stopped" cding. He began doing nice things for me, buying me things, becoming concerned about my welfare after yrs of ignoring and minimizing my feelings. But what was done could not be undone. The trust was gone, replaced by suspicion. The love was gone, replaced by a trapped fear. The sexual attraction was gone, replaced by repulsion. He didn't want to talk about cding or the past. I was "holding grudges" and "being unforgiving" if I brought up my doubts or questioned his honesty. I had so much to lose! I had pre-school children, no job, no higher education, my health was very bad after yrs of escalating stress, and my H had been threatening suicide for yrs if I told anyone. I could not live w/ the pain anymore, could not try - not one more time; I knew that if I allowed him back into my heart, I would not survive another betrayal - one that I knew would come, eventually. For me to get out, I had to make a decision to save myself and my kids, to give up my home and everything that I had invested in, and to face the overwhelming fears and uncertainties that made up my future.

How did I do it? 1) I finally told my family and gratefully received their unfaltering support. 2) I went to a psychologist - against the dictates of my H - and got on anti-anxiety medication to help me cope. 3) I mentally disassociated myself from my H, did not allow myself to make his problems my own - I had enough to worry about! 4) I began reading about abuse and manipulation, as suggested by the psychologist. 5) I did what I could to improve my health so that I could face the future as best I could. I think the hardest part was #3; b/c I had loved my H for over half my life and I didn't want to hurt him. I knew that he was in pain, that I was HURTING him - that was very hard; it is not my nature. I found that this helped: I wrote down specific incidents in which MY pain had been totally ignored and disregarded by my H, the many lies and distortions I had been dealing with, the aggressive blame and shameless twisting of reality that he had used for yrs to control my actions and thoughts. This allowed me to keep clear in my mind what I would not allow in my life. It was a very painful time, but I kept my eyes focused on the light at the end of the tunnel - a light that wasn't there if I didn't leave. I have never regretted it. After I left, when I was packing more of my stuff, I found the stash of women's clothing he had hidden in a new place. My mind, to this day, still tends to empathize w/ him, even after he remarried, yrs later, to yet another woman w/out telling her about his sexuality. It's so sad. It just starts all over again. Hope this helps you. This is such a difficult place to be in. If you need out, I hope you can find a way.

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New Help line Services

Look for our upcoming new link for our new help line service. We are elated to announce this new service and out reach to those wives who are in need of phone support. The Founder is not a therapist, those holds degrees in woman studies and social sciences. Additionally, she has worked with thousands of cross dressers wives for several years. This service should be available soon for $50 an hour.

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Book Update

We are pleased to announce that our book about our lives as cross dressers wives will be published within the next 3-6months. If you are interested in submitting your story please read November 2009 Newsletter and submit your story by February 15th.

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Donations and Volunteer Positions

As a non-for-profit (NPO) charitable tax-deductible organization, we rely solely on contributions and grants to support our much-needed organization. Funds are low and grants during these difficult financial times are limiting our abilities to expand, despite the obvious need to do so. Every dollar can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO to develop outreach programs to worldwide cross dressers wives, who are in need of assistance. Please visit our links to make contributions or to volunteer your services to help us assist those women who are in need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence but not without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes-severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States alone, whose needs must be met. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our "high heels" (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor is vital.

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Recommended reading:

When Your Lover is a Liar by Dr. Susan Forward

How Could You Do This To Me? Learning To Trust After Betrayal by Dr. Jane Greer

The Liar in Your Life by Robert Feldman

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Inspirational Quote

"I am wise and capable. I am my own best expert, my own authority about what is right for me. I have the courage to listen to my inner wisdom. (From the book, The Woman's Book of Courage by Sue Patton Thoele pg. 137)

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Happy Valentines Day!!! Remember to love yourself.

Blessings,

The Founder

WELCOME TO CROSS DRESSERS WIVES JANUARY 2010 NEWSLETTER

2009-12-31T07:22:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hope you and yours had a nice holiday! As always, our non-for profit Cross Dressers Wives focuses our newsletters from a comon theme originating from our worldwide forum. This month’s topic is geared towards all of our newcomers.

There have been many new posts from cross dressers wives from all over the word. Most just found out and are in need of immediate support, assistance, guidance, education, TLC and compassion.

Many of us have posted onto the forum our initial responses upon discovering our husbands/partners are cross dressers. Some caught them dressed up; others found their stash of women clothes whereas others realized that their husbands have been frequent visitors on cross dressers sites. No matter how we found out, our reactions often have common threads. For those of us who had no clue- we are often in shock to discover this truth and many feel betrayed by the lies.

This is no easy journey for most of us. It is imperative that you do not blame yourselves for his widely known life long condition. It is not your fault. Also, take no responsibility for not knowing-how could you when many of them hide it for so well and often for so long?

Now that you know-it is time to take good care of yourself. Since knowledge is power, please visit our multifaceted links to education, research etc. This will aid you in deciphering what to do and expect. Also read prior posts on the forum as well as newsletters for diverse and crucial information. You can reach out to other cross dresser wives on the active forum and gain insight into how they are dealing with this issue.

It is vital for your well being not to hold his secret as your own. Secrets can hurt you. Please confide in your best friends, close family members, religious or spiritual leader and seek the help of a therapist. Couples therapy is often helpful as well. And building a strong support team is essential!!!

Many cross dressers wives have found much needed support from our forum-which is the engine that drives this non-for profit website. These incredible, brave, bright, intelligent, supportive and open cross dresses wives will assure you-you are not alone. There are millions of us in the US. But now we are not alone anymore! We have each other for support, information, guidance, compassion, understanding and assistance.

In essence there are no right or wrong answers as to what to do now that you know; it all boils down to a personal choice.

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BOOK UPDATE

We have received several stories and contracts. However we are still open to extending our deadline until January 30th 2010. Please contact The Founder at cdwives@gmail.com for details. All submissions thus far have been accepted and are very powerful. They will be useful to many others cross dressers wives. Thank you all for your participation!!

Positive Quote For The Month and New Year

“I have the right to have limits. I know my limits and allow myself to do what is reasonable for me.”

By Sue Patton Thoele, The Woman’s Book of Courage (pg 191).

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Blessings to all! May the New Year bring joy, happiness, clarity and good health!

The Founder

Welcome to Cross Dressers Wives December 2009 Newsletter

2009-12-01T20:51:00.000-08:00

Thriving Techniques!

Each Cross Dressers Wives NPO newsletter is geared towards a common theme stemming from our worldwide forum (also know as our safe haven). Many cross dressers wives pose the pertinent question, how can I survive living with a cross dresser? Others inquire, how can I let go of my anger and resentment towards my cross dressing husband or ex-cross dressing husband?

Often our experiences are driving our emotions in so many different directions. Sometimes it is too arduous to take inventory of our feelings – since they are often very mixed. Many still love their cross dressing husbands and want their marriages to prosper and grow; on the other hand, if you are a cross dresser’s wife who is deeply troubled by your husband’s most often life-long condition -how do you survive this baneful journey? Thrive by taking back your power.

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Thriving Techniques

A necessary ingredient of thriving is that it is a form of action-not just ignoring nor denying the obvious problems affiliated with being married to a cross dresser. Take demonstrative actions that will enable you to become THRIVERS.

The following are simply a few suggestions as to how to become a ‘thriver’ vs. a survivor. Once you take action the power to thrive is available to you, but you have to be ready. Many need a time of mourning/grieving stages, as well as those who need to get beyond the stages of depression, sadness, anger and frequently Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It will demand that you take active steps to change your life into the way in which you want to live.

Build a much-needed support system. Confide in your best friends, closest family members, religious or spiritual leader. Engage in couples therapy or individual therapy. Seek out much needed assistance from others. Communicate with other cross dressers wives and stay active on our worldwide forum.

Develop a spiritual self. Douse yourself with spiritual/self help book, movies and various forms of literature. Exercise. Take up yoga; it can works miracles for your mind, body, soul and spirit. Journal daily. Draw a map of where you are right now and where you want to be. What steps do you need to take in order for you to get from A to Z?

Therapy, time, Tender Loving Care (TLC), support groups and making exciting plans for the future will all help you to utilize all of your tools, skills and life experiences. The aforementioned tips can all lead to becoming THRIVERS vs. survivors.

Remember, laughter is a healing mechanism. Yes, this may take some time and effort but it is worth going through the process. Plus it’s fun. Studies have shown that people who laugh more are healthier and a lot happier. So why not watch funny movies, read hilarious stories or go and have an enjoyable girls night out. You will live longer and happier! In addition, research has shown that having a pet enables you to live happier, healthier and longer lives.

Ultimately you must come to terms with the fact that you cannot change your cross-dressing husband’s condition. You only have the power to change yourself and the way in which you respond to him.

Taking productive action is a positive, healthy way to become a thriver.

Last but certainly not least, you have to forgive yourself (you did nothing but marry a cross dresser). However, you need to find a way to forgive him as well; not for his sake but for yours. Forgiveness is a choice and it does not equate to forgetting but just letting go…with forgiveness you can truly move forward in a much happier and healthier mode. You deserve this gift that appears to be his but it is benefits you even more.

The aforementioned techniques can all lead to becoming THRIVERS Vs. Survivors. The main differences between surviving and thriving is that surviving is just getting by, whereas thriving changes your lifestyle, empowers you to take much need productive action steps.

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Thriving Affirmations and Enlightening Quotes

The following is a list of diverse and multi-faceted affirmations, tools and skills that can create, construct and buttress your thriving lifestyle.

1.            The Woman’s Book of Confidence, by Sue Patton Theole, states, “I have the courage to pamper myself. I am worthy of receiving as well as giving. Pampering and taking care of myself is a healthy thing to do.”

2.            Succulent Wild Women, by SARK, suggests, “Treat yourself as kindly as you do your best friend.” She encourages one to create her own healing book to support one’s own healing. “Become your own partner-marry yourself.”

3.            The Language of Success, A Collection from Blue Mountain Press, A poem by Natasha Yosefowitz

Lose /Win

I have the path of

Failure

Frustration

Disappointment

Defeat

Because I have taken a chance on

Winning

Succeeding

Achieving

It takes a lot of the first

to get some of the second

4.            Finding Joy: A Practical Spiritual Guide to Happiness, Daniel I. Schwartz, eloquently states, “ …happiness is less matter of bouncing back from defeat than making the routine parts of our lives seem interesting. It is so easy for us to go through day-to-day on cruise control, with our sense and minds disconnected. He continues, “…when we put ourselves on automatic we are merely going through the motions of life and not consciously noticing what’s going on around us.”

5.            The Well-Being Journal: Drawing on Your Inner Power to Heal Yourself, Lucia Capacchione upholds, “Meditate on some ways in which you can get clear in your own life. What areas in your own personal environment need cleaning and clearing?" Capacchione purports, “ Write a plan of action for getting clear, for doing spring cleaning in your life. Make a list of things that you can get rid of…to lighten your load. List the worries, problems and burdens that you want to dispose of at this time. Make a schedule of weekly clearing activities in all areas of your life. Take it a bit at a time bit do it consistently.”

6.            The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living, His Holiness, The Dali Lama and Howard C. Cutler, MD. Clearly believes, “ The very notion of our life is towards happiness...I believe the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness.”

7.            Reinventing Your Life, J.E. Young, PhD and J.S. Klosko, Ph.D., suggest their readers to take their “ Mistrust and abuse questionnaire” located on page 85. I believe that this process can enable you to develop thriving tools in lieu of surviving tools.

8.            Creating: A Guide to the Creative Process, by Robert Fritz. “Do not change unless it supports a specific result you want to create.”

9.            The Divorce Remedy, by Michael Weiner Davis, observes, “People who stay together but don’t forgive live life in shallow, meaningless relationships. They just go through the motions, but feel no joy or closeness…choose love forgive.”

10.         I Could Do Anything if I only knew what it was, by Barbara Sher and Barbara Smith, boldly state, “It was never part of your plan, so like any general in the field, when the unexpected happens and the whole operation changes you have to regroup…if your life has suddenly change, you, too have received an inheritance. Your gift may look more like a disaster to you now, but think about your situation. So think about your situation for a moment. Suddenly you have been

given a wide array of new choices – in effect, a second life.”

11. Perhaps adhering to The Serenity Prayer could also help: “God, light of my life, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.” I keep a copy of it in my purse.

Update On the NPO Book

Please note we have extended the NPO Book submissions to December 30th. Some have submitted their stories, signed the contracts and are in receipt of their compensation checks.

Please know that the Founder does not nor will own the rights to your courageous stories. The NPO owns the stories and the bulk of the proceeds will go to support and expand the NPO: Cross Dressers Wives.

Please know every submission thus far has been graciously accepted for our book! So congratulations to those whose stories will be included.

Anyone interested in submitting or simply have questions, please do not hesitate to contact me cdwives@gmailcom. I would be delighted to answer any of your pertinent questions. I am also willing to call you or provide my number if you prefer to discuss this matter. It is an exciting journey. We are on our way!!!

Donation Contributions

As a non-for-profit (NPO) charitable tax-deductible organization, we rely solely on contributions and grants to support our much-needed organization. Funds are low and grants during these difficult financial times are limiting our abilities to expand, despite the obvious need to do so. Every dollar can assist Cross Dressers Wives NPO to develop outreach programs to worldwide cross dressers wives, who are in need of assistance. Please visit our links to make contributions or to volunteer your services to help us assist those women who are in need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence but not without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes-severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States alone, whose needs must be met. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our “high heels” (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor is vital.

May you all have a wonderful holiday seasons.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours!

Blessings,

The Founder

Cross Dressers Wives November Monthly Newsletter

2009-11-03T11:41:00.000-08:00

The Upcoming Book Regarding Our Lives As Cross Dressers Wives

About one year ago, while reading our world wide active forum, it suddenly occurred to me that the non-for profit, Cross Dressers Wives, should compile our anonymous stories. The purpose of constructing this much-needed book is to disclose our unknown lifestyles as cross dressers wives. The deficiency of information about our lives is symbolic of why so many of us never tell anyone. Only those cross dressers wives who are willing participants would be included in this currently unpublished book. It is my hope that these significant, indispensable, compelling and yet virtually untold stories will enlighten society about this marginalized group of millions of women all over the world (aka-all of US). The primary focus is on supporting cross dressers wives, who are struggling with this issue most often in silence. By telling our stories, how we found out, how we dealt with it, when we found out, what happened to our lives, how we pulled through or are still in the process of coping with being married or having a partner that is a cross dresser, are all pertinent and vital information. Society needs to know we exist and many of us have undergone such baneful journeys, alone. And how many more of us are suffering, or do not know his secret yet and are living an unknown and unforeseen life of lies?

The book will follow the mission statement of this non-for profit organization and therefore as we disclose our stories, we will respect the rights of cross dressers. This is not about bashing cross dressers. We uphold that cross dressers have every right to dress like women. However, it is important to note, what they do not have the right to do is to lie to us at the altar, and take away our choice whether to knowingly marry a cross dresser or not. Many of us would hope that this essential book would help to encourage cross dressers to disclose their condition-long before their unsuspecting bride walks down that aisle. It is also vital to discuss why so many of cross dressers (cds) choose not to tell.

Please find some suggestions as well as flexible guidelines for any and all cross dressers wives interested in being considered a possible contributor for the upcoming book. Furthermore, the non-for profit (NPO) Cross Dressers Wives wishes to thank you all for your wonderful support and contributions to our web site, as well as the book. We need to lean on each other, support each other, share our stories and seek advice from one another. Also our non for profit wishes to make it absolutely clear that any and all of your written contributions on the web site are so very meaningful to everyone. Additionally, Cross Dressers Wives hopes that anyone who does not wish or is not able to contribute in this way needs to know that we appreciate and understand your often-difficult positions. Nonetheless, we recognize and sincerely appreciate your other valuable participation on this site.

This unpublished book has the potential to reach out to other CD wives-who we know are suffering. Cross Dressers Wives hopes that the majority of possible proceeds can be utilized to build the NPO/website-which would include a cross dressers 911 hot line (at least for a few scheduled days a week at various hours to assist those cd wives from other countries). We receive e-mails from all over the world from cd wives seeking assistance and asking to speak to other cross dressers wives.

It is also my wish to have the site available in several different languages-since we receive hits worldwide everyday and I hate to think a language barrier is preventing some cd wives from receiving assistance that many desperately need. Therefore to assist those non-English speaking cross dressers wives, we wish to have this book published in multiple languages.

There are so many myths as well and concerns that need to be addressed in telling our personal stories.

1) CD are gay...the truth is NO they are not! They are overwhelming married and heterosexual.

2) How did they hide this from us?

3) Why are there so few studies done on cross dressers- and why are our needs as cd wives virtually ignored?

4) Our initial reactions.

5) Why most of us never tell anyone.

6) Purging.

7) BETRAYAL often hurts more than cross-dressing.

8) What about our children-do they know? How do they feel? How did they find out?

9) Why do so many of us feel such guilt, shame, and self-blame?

10) Why do some of us stay, leave, reside as roommates or live in denial?

11) Can he stop? If he loved me he would stop! Right?

12) Why can't so many of us just accept it and enjoy it?

13) Did he dress up in front of us?

14) In hindsight-what were some missed signs (like dressing up EVER YEAR on Halloween as women. Or sometimes our clothes were missing or missed placed.

15) How can we reach out to each other and lend advice, support and share our stories?

16) We need to have our needs accepted, met, addressed and exposed. Why do some many of feel like damaged goods? We did nothing wrong- other than trust our husbands.

17) Should we stay for the sake of our children?

18) Has our religious beliefs impacted our decisions?

19) Did you find a trained counselor in this astonishing, unusual and uncommon field?

20) Provide educational information we have come across.

21) Enlighten society about CD-but moreover about us as cross dressers wives or ex cross dressers wives.

22) Additionally did you become a ‘thriver’, and not a survivor; and if so, how?

23) The list of what to disclose and discuss is endless. I suspect many wives/ partners can write about their forum posts, what they have learned from each other, tell their stories-and how they are managing the daily struggles that so many of us experience.

Some stories are bound to be longer and more in depth. The more you choose to disclose the richer the book will be. Cross Dressers Wives would prefer that you limit your submissions to a minimum of 5 pages and a maximum of 20 pages.

All interested parties please contact Cross Dressers Wives ASAP at cdwives@gmail.com for more detailed information. I need to confidentially send all of those interested parties copies of the contracts-which can only be done once you supply me with your e-mail address. A specific e-mail contact group is forming for the cd wives/partners or ex cd wives who are considering contributing their stories None of your true identities will be not be disclosed. Every accepted submission will be equally compensated.

Many have contacted me wit a desire to share their stories but feared their writing skills needed polishing and assistance. Please note, we will help to edit your stories without changing the contents of your story.

If you are interested in finding out more information, please e-mail me. I look forward to receiving your e-mails so that this much needed project can swiftly move forward. Our stories must be told since most books about cross dressers wives are about loving the feminine side of their cd husbands. Our stories disclose the other side, which appears to be the silent majority. Many gays, lesbians, transgenders, transsexuals, cross dressers are out of the closet. This is our turn to break out of our silent closets and anynomously ‘come out’ together.

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Donation Contributions

As a non-for-profit (NPO) charitable tax-deductible organization, we rely solely on contributions and grants to support our much-needed organization. Funds are low and grants during these difficult financial times are limiting our abilities to expand, despite the obvious need to do so. Every dollar can assist Cross Dressers Wives to develop outreach programs to worldwide cross dressers wives, who are in need of immediate assistance. Please visit our links to make contributions or to volunteer your services to help us assist those women who are in need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion and guidance. Many of us have lived in complete silence but not without enormous struggles, pain, confusion and sometimes-severe consequences. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States alone, whose needs must be met. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our ‘high heels’ (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor is vital!!! However, it took me years to reach the stage where I could locate the humor through the pain.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

May you and yours enjoy all of your blessings during this holiday season. May the changing of seasons usher in positive and welcome changes in your lives. Please feel free to comment on our newsletters. We always welcome your input, suggestions and various opinions!

With much gratitude, appreciation and blessings,

The Founder

cdwives@gmail.com

Welcome to Cross Dressers Wives October Newsletter!

2009-09-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

Is My Husband Heterosexual, Gay or Bisexual?

Our worldwide forum has received a multitude of new posts from so many welcomed newcomers. Every month our newsletter is geared towards a common theme that originates from the forum. There have always been many concerns about our cross dressing husbands and/or partners, who some of us suspect might be gay or bi-sexual cross dressers. However, recently there has been a significant increase from cross dressers wives who post concerns about their husband’s sexual preference. Many highly suspect  (by discovering evidence of activity on gay porn sites or additional questionable behaviors such as lack of sexual interest with us) that their husbands are not simply cross dressers, but are also gay/bi-sexual.

The overwhelming research currently available strongly suggests that approximately 85% of cross dressers are heterosexual. Therefore, according to the majority data currently available, only 15% of cross-dressers are known to be gay and some are bisexual.

In fact, according to Cross-Dressing, Sex and Gender, by Vern L. Bullough and Bonnie Bullough, there has been a diversity of cross-cultural studies by social scientists from 1970s to 1988. Their findings revealed the following data:

(1) The number of cross dressers who are strictly heterosexual range from 72% to 97%.

(2) The number of cross dressers who are exclusively gay range from 3% to 9%.

(3) Bisexual cross dressers in the US make up 28% of the cross-dressing population.

(4) The number of cross dressers who are married range from 78% to 88%.

These findings would indicate that the overwhelming majority of cross dressers are heterosexual and married. Therefore our cross dressing husbands are much more likely to be heterosexual; however, that does not eliminate the possibility that a small percentage of them are in fact gay or bisexual.

Curiously, unusual findings have been uncovered by Marc E. Vargo, MS, in Acts of Disclosure: The Coming –Out Process of Contemporary Gay Men. Through his research conducted by counseling many gay adolescents, Vargo came to the realization that some of them reported cross dressing because they, “…mistakenly believed that, as gay individuals, that is what they were supposed to do.” Vargo also suggests that some adolescent gays stopped cross dressing once they met and socialized with other young gay men, who did not cross dress. Obviously, even gay adolescents are confused; some buy into the misconceptions, misinformation, malinformation and myths that cross dressers are gay and gays are cross dressers. This myth needs to be ousted and corrected for the sake of everyone involved, which is inclusive of gays, cross dressers, cross dressers wives, and society in general.

Cross dressers cannot nor should not be pigeonholed as gay because they, like cross dressers wives, are all distinctly different from one another. Another indicator that many cross dressers are not gay lies in the fact that there are many inter-social clubs for heterosexual cross dressers throughout many countries. If the need were not there these groups would not exist.

Furthermore, more research by Peggy J. Rudd’s, My Husband Wears My Clothes, strongly upholds her theory that the majority of cross dressers, especially those who are femmophilia (a strong love for their feminine side-with no sexual connotations) have no intention of engaging in homosexual acts.

The ongoing problems and challenges regarding the sexual preferences of cross dressers is that society assumes that all cross dressers are homosexuals. Why else would they dress up in feminine clothing? This common falsehood/misconception indicates a strong need for more research and awareness for the lifelong condition of cross dressing. Cumulative worldwide research by social scientists, as well as the information provided by cross dresser sites and the overwhelming results from our worldwide website survey, indicates that the majority of our cross dressing husbands are in fact heterosexual.

Logic dictates that since there is so much secrecy surrounding the issue of cross dressing and that many cross dressers are still in the closet, that the margin for error on the aforementioned studies, statistics and theories are most likely high, since many cross dressers have not or will not disclose their condition. Many stay in denial, protecting their secrets from themselves, their wives, family and friends. Many scientists acknowledge that their findings are highly questionable due to the under-reporting of cross dressers and their sexual preferences. There is a high probability that the number of cross dressers recorded is actually much higher than we currently estimate. Clearly, more extensive longitudinal and latitudinal studies need to be done on this highly controversial issue.

Nonetheless, there is a multitude of recent posts that suggests that many who participate on this forum have reason to suspect that their cross dressing husbands fall into the minority. Reviewing the posts, indicates that many wives have concrete evidence that their cross dressing husbands are in fact engaging in homosexual acts and/or are spending a lot of their time on gay related sites.  Many cross dressers wives ask why a heterosexual cross dresser would visit gay porn sites? Why would they post pictures of themselves on to gay porn sites? Sign up for gay cross dressing dating sites? Is it out of curiosity? Exploration of their own sexuality? Are they fearful of being gay, or being ousted? Do some believe if they are cross dressers that they must be gay? It is important to note that some might not have any concrete answers. Some cross dressers are also scared, confused and do not understand all of the underpinnings of cross dressing and how it might relate to their sexual preference. Denial goes both ways…some of them stay in denial, as do their wives.

Additionally, it is important to note, according to several forum postings many cross dressing husbands deny any desires or acts of homosexuality. Many cross dressers’ wives are highly suspicious of their husbands’ conduct and behaviors. Most often when cross dressers wives discover their husband’s on-line history, and come across valid concerns over their husbands true sexual desires, (via the Internet) they are often distraught by more lies, deceit and betrayal. Many question if they can trust their husbands who have repeatedly chosen not to disclose being a cross dresser, bisexual or homosexual. It appears from the worldwide posts that some wives are not just fearful of their husbands being cross dressers but also being cross dressing homosexuals or bisexuals.

Therefore, if you want to know the truth about your cross dressing husbands’ sexual preferences and you have some reason to suspect or question their sexuality, pay attention to any possible clues. Follow any and all possible leads. Some cross dressers wives might choose to investigate their husbands on line activities, openly discuss their concerns with their cross dressing husbands, or seek couples counseling (preferably with a therapist who specializes in cross dressing). Our July Newsletter focuses on the issue of choosing to snoop or not to snoop. Many of our cross dressing husbands might not know the truth about the origins of their condition but they are well aware of their behaviors.  As their wives or partners, we have the right to the truth about their conduct. How we choose, or if we choose to find out, boils down to an individual choice, which is frequently a painful one.

In conclusion, if you suspect or have evidence that suggests or proves your husband has engaged in sex outside of marriage, it is vital for your health and well being to be tested for STDs and AIDS. It is a merely a precautionary measure to ensure that you are safe from the aforementioned diseases. It is in your power to protect yourself from any possible physical harm! It is a relief to find out at least your body has not contracted any of these diseases (even though the possibly is extremely slight, it is worth seeing a doctor).

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Upcoming Changes to Cross Dressers Wives Web Site

Please note that we are currently developing a new link, specifically designed for newcomers! The main purpose is to enlighten these cross dressers wives and familiarize them with our worldwide site. It is vital that they understand our goals and missions, various links and most importantly our forum, which is the engine that drives, our non-for-profit, Cross-Dressers Wives. It will provide them with a quick overview of the benefits and history of our website!

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Donations and Volunteers Needed

As a non-for-profit (NPO) charitable tax-deductible organization, we rely solely on contributions and grants to support our much-needed organization. Funds are low and grants during these difficult financial times are limiting our abilities to expand, despite the obvious need to do so. Every dollar can assist Cross Dressers Wives to develop outreach programs to worldwide cross dressers wives, who are in need of assistance. Furthermore, it is our intention to provide a hotline designed specifically for cross dressers wives who are struggling with this lifelong condition and wish to talk with other cross dressers wives about their challenging circumstances. Please visit our links to make contributions or to volunteer your services to help us assist those women who are in need of support, education, acceptance, understanding, compassion, guidance and validate their emotions. Many of us have lived in complete silence but not without enormous struggles, pain and confusion. For most of us, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. There are millions of us in the United States alone, whose needs must be met. Only other cross dressers wives have ever walked in our “high heels” (except for many of our cross dressing husbands). A sense of humor is vital!!!

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Information Regarding Our Upcoming Book

For those of you who have expressed an interest in submitting your anynomous stories for our upcoming book, please contact the Founder @ cdwives@gmail.com.  Thank you all in advance for your willingness to share your stories.

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Our inspirational Quote for October originates from, The Woman’s Book of Confidence, by Sue Patten Thoele…

“I have the courage to feel my feelings. I express my grief constructively. I am strong and able to transcend and heal my wounds.”

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With much gratitude, appreciation and blessings,

The Founder

September's Newsletter

2009-08-31T18:45:00.000-07:00

Is the cause of cross dressing nature or nurture? Many cross dressers wives are searching for concrete answers as to why their husbands/partners have this condition, and we are not alone in our search. There have been so many inquires and discussions on our worldwide forum about what causes one to become a cross dresser. Some scientists argue it is biological, others uphold it is conditioning, and some speculate it could be a combination of both. Some cross dressers wives have stated that their husbands have explained to the best of their ability that their condition began in early childhood as a direct result of their troubled relationships with their fathers. My ex cross dressing husband also claimed the same. I believe him - his father was a tyrant; however his father was also mentally ill (this is not to imply that cross dressing is a form of mental illness - it is not.) Nature vs. nurture; both are logical deductions as to the root of cross dressing, so perhaps it is due to a combination of both, biology and conditioning.

The infamous anthropologist Margaret Mead once argued, “Gender based roles are not biological but culturally assigned,” which obviously supports the theory of nurture and conditioning. Whereas other hard scientists uphold the belief that the brain is our largest sex organ, which would indicate that the cause of cross dressing is biological. These two opposing ideologies leave us with no clear-cut answers…only more questions.

Sadly, there are too few statistics available on transvestites, most likely due to the fact that cross dressing is so often perceived as taboo and consequently maintained as a secret act or way of life. Many cross dressers live with this huge sexually charged secret – as do many of their wives. Even current, significantly limited statistics are being challenged because there is much speculation as to how many cross dressers there really are.

Charlotte Suthrell, author of Unzipping Gender, states, “Cross dressing may also be a therapeutic reaction to social pressures - male dual role transvestites often describe a feeling of relaxation and comfort …releasing the male self from the regime of stereotypical male emotions through the outward and visible manifestation of wearing women’s clothes can be a form of play.” This is also well noted throughout our worldwide forum. Many cross-dressing husbands have claimed that this act is a form of release and comforts them. Some characterize it as play, whereas other claim it is like an obsession or addiction - not a choice!

There are strong valid suggestions that since gender refers to the psychological identification one has - either as man or woman, cross dressing (known to be lifelong) begins in early childhood as a direct result of one’s relationship with the same sex parent. Other hard-core scientists purport that gender orientation starts at conception. There is evidence that yes, there are various causes. One is genetic, which is inclusive of endocrine disruption that occurs within a fetus. For more information regarding endocrine-disrupting chemicals, please visit www.ourstolenfuture.org (and search for the gender link).

Despite the numerous diverse controversies regarding the possible causes of cross dressing, there is overwhelming evidence cross dressing is not heredity.

The speculation, diverse theories, and ideologies derived from biologists, anthropologists, and social scientists all seek hard-core evidence regarding how this condition develops. However, there is only circumstantial evidence, not indisputable facts or answers.

For example, Dr. Elizabeth Moberly, who authored, Psychogenesis: The Early development of Gender Identity, acknowledges that transsexualism in men and women have similar etiology. This condition originated from unresolved childhood trauma. Dr. Moberly refers to this as radical misidentification trauma from the same sex parent. Moberly’s theory is well supported by a diverse assemblage of social scientists, while simultaneously disputed by many others.

Nonetheless, one should not discount the likelihood that there are biological reasons as well. Why? There is scientific research that concludes there are distinct differences between men’s brains to that of women’s brains and therefore men and women behave in different ways.That’s a logical conclusion supporting gender differences; however, does that prove that these biological brain differences can and do impact one’s gender, ultimately causing someone to become a cross dresser? My answer is…PROVE IT!

However, some cross dressers wives believe it is a choice. Others believe it is not a choice. And many religious leaders whole-heartedly buttress this belief, that cross-dressing is a choice. Some uphold a religious man would not cross dress - even if he had such a desire. However, it must be highly noted the other side of this debate from a religious perspective is that God created all of us and thus cross dressers were God’s intention. God loves all, just the way we are. God doesn’t make mistakes. We are all different in so many ways and yet so alike. So, did God choose to make our husbands/partners cross dressers by making their brain function in a different way?

In conclusion, one can critically critique all of these aforementioned theories and search for answers. Only more intensive, depth and breath of controlled studies and research can help to explain how men and women become transvestites. Since so many cross dressers are still in the closet due to the lack of societal acceptance, this factor impacts the gaining of true statistics regarding cross dressers. How many are there world wide? What is their biological makeup? What was their conditioning? Will we ever really know?

In the meanwhile, we can choose to believe one theory over another, or acknowledge that more detailed research from hard science as well as soft science is undoubtedly necessary. Perhaps we have to accept that there is no conclusive hard-core data that answers the question: Nature, Nurture, or a combination?

For more information please review the following list of suggested reading regarding this highly disputed topic and discourse:

The Real Difference Between Men and Women, by Anne Moir and David Jessel.

Brain Sex, by Ann Moire.

My Husband Wear My Clothes by Peggy J. Rudd, Ed.D.

Unzipping Gender: Sex, Cross Dressing and Culture by Charlotte Suthrell.

Alice in Genderland by Richard J. Novic, M.D.

The Man Who Would Be Queen: The Science of Gender Bending and Transsexulism by Michael Bailey.

Blessing to all of you! And welcome to all of our newcomers!

The Founder

August Newsletter

2009-07-31T14:10:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Our August Newsletter!!!

It is a hot month and our topic for this month is a hot one too!

To Snoop or Not to Snoop

Each month we choose a topic that is frequently discussed on our forum. There have been so many postings about this highly controversial issue. Some cross dressers wives post that they are monitoring their cross dressing husbands bag of ‘stash’. Some claim they do not search his room, check his expenses or look into his private things, while others post that one should not snoop, unless she thought her husband was lying again. Then there are those posts that advise you when your husband has done nothing but lie-and there is evidence that his behavior is highly suspicious-then you should seek out the truth, even if that entails going through his stuff. Since we are far from a monolithic group and our belief systems vary from one cross dressers wife to the other, there is no one right answer. Nonetheless, many of us are struggling with this issue on a daily basis.

Since we all have various ideologies and our politics of location are different, there is no swift, solitary solution whether to snoop or not to snoop. Some of us have never snooped but our reasons for not snooping are different. Many of us would prefer the oblivious route of denial, keeping Pandora’s box securely closed.

Sometimes our religious or spiritual self tells us it is unethical to snoop, so we listen to our so called ‘higher self” and despite our curiosity, we choose not to snoop. Then there are those cross dressers wives who want to know the truth regardless of the consequences and since many of our cross dressing husbands are hiding their true selves, along with their women’s clothing, most often we feel we have no choice but to snoop. Other cross dressers wives are so torn between being honest and wanting to know the truth, they just contemplate whether or not it is the right thing to do. So we ponder the possible positive and negative consequences of snooping.

For example, would we ever want our husbands to snoop through our private things? Some wives have chosen to have affairs as a way of dealing with their feelings of unworthiness, pain and they fall into the arms of another man. Some just have emotional affairs; others have full-blown physical and emotional affairs. Is it right for our husbands to snoop if they are suspicious? How would you feel? If you suspected your husband of cheating on you, would you hire a private investigator? Would you check his phone bills, computer, credit cards, briefcase and other personal items? Or would you simply confront him hoping to hear the truth?

Many of our husbands spend a great deal of time on the computer, frequently visiting cross dressers sites. How do we know? Most often they do not reveal this to us, either we accidentally find the evidence on the computer or we snoop and discover his secret. Some wives discover their husbands entering cross dressing contests, while dressed in lingerie-posted onto the World Wide Web for the everyone on the planet to view-with the exception of their significant others. So, if you were to discover that he participated in this type of activity do you confront him, stay in denial and not discuss it with him? Or should we keep a close eye on his activity on the computer- at least we will know the truth. Right?

I confess, I chose not to snoop. Not because I thought it was unethical to do so. Not because I believed what he was telling me. Not because I had faith that he had stopped dressing up in lingerie. Not because I was not curious about his activities. It was purely a way of staying in denial, which was a huge defense mechanism that I grew comfortable utilizing. Was it healthy for me to live in denial? At the time I thought so. I had no desire-I knew what I would find and by ignoring every opportunity I had to snoop, this allowed me to stay in a state of denial. I had seen enough since he frequently would ‘dress up’ in front of me; I did not want any more exposure or information. The irony is that he ALWAYS snooped through my things. He even accused me of having affairs. I did not even keep a journal anymore knowing he would find it and read it. In a word I felt BETRAYED by his snooping. He also would follow me. I believe he was projecting his own guilt onto me.

Is it fair for a wife to live in a marriage where the husband does not reveal his true secretive identity? Since he has already chosen not to disclose his true self, how do we know if he is engaging with sexual interactions with others? What about the small percentages of cross dressers who are bi-sexual or homosexual? Do we have the right to protect ourselves from the possibility of diseases? What if the only way we really know what his sexual activities are is by snooping? Then is it still wrong to do so?

Perhaps instead of looking at your behavior as snooping (which carries so many negative connotations) view it as keeping your eyes wide open for any suspicious behaviors and take heed to any red flags. Being vigilant about your husband’s behavior, is not snooping; it is a demonstrative form of protecting yourself and your children.

How can we ignore that trust is essential in any marriage and if your husband has repeatedly lied and deceived you, what steps can or should you take? It is pitiful to be in a relationship where the foundation of trust is broken. However, that is not to imply that the trust you once had cannot be restored over time, devotion, boundaries and honesty. Trust at this stage needs to be earned. But are we wrong to monitor his behavior to ensure he is now being truthful with us? Should our cross dressing husbands be totally honest with us now (even if they have not been so in the past) in order to save our marriages?

The crux of this difficult situation boils down to the fact that many of our cross dresser husbands have chosen not been honest with us by their deceptive conduct, which can easily force us to snoop. The deal breaker for many of us is their continuous deceptive conduct. His actions initicated the curiosity to snoop. If you feel you need to know the truth, what other options do you have if he continues to deceive you? If there is no trust in your relationship, is it doomed?

Is it right for anyone (even those who are cross dressers wives) to judge our often baneful, arduous and complex decision to monitor, lurk, snoop or be vigilant about being aware of what our husbands are doing? Or is it more advantageous for us to support each other’s choices? We have to make the right choices for our own lifestyles and there are consequences to every decision we make. These decisions must be carefully considered.

Some possible positive consequences of snooping

1) Discovering the truth.

2) Becoming more realistic of our valid concerns and desires to have a happy, honest, fruitful, satisfying relationship with our husbands.

3) Knowledge can be a very powerful tool.

4) Living with realistic expectations.

5) Having the ability to teach our husbands to be more truthful by modeling truthful qualities. This can be attempted by openly discussing our findings, emotions and concerns, with the hope that it will be reciprocal, which might create an atmosphere of a more trusting and lasting marriage.

6) Is living with the truth easier than living with a lie?

7) Can snooping gives us more tools and skills to protect our children from this adult sexualized topic?

Some possible negative consequences of snooping

1) What does it tell us about our marriage if we have to live with lies, deceit and no trust with our significant others?

2) Could our monitoring further deteriorate our relationship?

3) How will our husbands react if they discover we are watching their behaviors, going through their personal belongings? Will it make them resentful toward us and cause even more problems in an already problematic relationship?

4) How long can we continue to ignore and deny what so many of us wish

we could forget?

5) Could it help to end our marriages by demonstrating we have little to no trust in him? He too could become leery of us as well.

In conclusion, one very compassionate supporter of Cross Dressers Wives recently shared with me that the issue to snoop or not to snoop is… “ almost unanswerable, since each cross dresser and their wives are all distinct individuals.”

Blessings to all of you!!!

The Founder

Donations and Volunteering

We at Cross Dressers Wives are in need of your support. Please visit our link for volunteering or donating to our non-for profit. Every dollar counts and we sincerely appreciate everyone who wishes to volunteer and help the diverse needs of cross dressers wives!

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Future Conference

We are trying to organize a conference for us to meet, support each other and put faces to the familiar names on our worldwide forum. Unfortunately, due to geographical and economical challenges (along with timing) our conference will have to be delayed. Nonetheless, please know it will take place- once we surpass the current challenges!

July’s Newsletter

2009-07-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to our Julys’ Newsletter! It is our intention to focus on the needs of the thousands of cross dresser wives who contact CrossDressersWives.com for support, information, camaraderie and pose many concerns. One main theme on our forum over the last month has been the inquires about whether or not their cross-dressing husbands or partners are capable of stopping this behavior by suddenly announcing they have tossed out their female clothing while claiming they are finished with cross dressing.

The concept of them throwing out their lingerie, wigs and other female clothing is called ‘purging’. Purging is a very common theme amongst cross dressers. The evidence through research (though highly and sadly limited) clearly indicates that statically purging does not work.

According to Catherine Anderson’s 1991 article regarding purging, she states, “purging evades the root cause of cross dressing.” Furthermore, Anderson’s findings also strongly suggest that cross-dressing is done because it feels good and is worth the costs, the multitude of risks, embarrassment and guilt. She and several other researchers have concluded that the pleasure of cross-dressing is a condition.

Anderson states “…Purging denies this rational choice aspect. It merely tries to veto the choice by ultimation.’ Sadly her research indicates that purging is a lie because most cross dressers that have tried to purge and unfortunately realize it is only a matter of time when they start to rebuild a new wardrobe of female clothing. In a nutshell, the need to cross dress overpowers their desire to purge for a long period of time.

Another researcher, Magnus Hirchfeld, who coined the term transvestism in the early 1900’s, indicates that cross-dressing is highly correlated to sexual arousal (but not always). He further brings awareness that cross-dressing is not necessarily a fetish but more of a transvestic behavior.

So many prominent researchers in this limited field have similar findings. One primary finding is that cross-dressing is a condition and behavior. Additionally most researchers conclude purging is highly unsuccessful. How does this pertinent information impact our lives with our cross dressing husbands? If he is telling you (which many posts indicate) that he is now done and is no longer dressing in women’s’ clothing- it is highly unlikely that he is ultimately successful with this endeavor. This is not to imply he doesn’t want to stop but rather that it is out of his control and the sexual arousal of cross-dressing can be too overpowering.

For many cross dressers wives, it is not the condition alone that hurts us –it is the lies. The biggest lie is the one they tell themselves. However for many of us-these lies on top of so many before sadly detonates our trust in them and we question-are they telling us the truth?

Since research indicates that purging is often wishful thinking and unsuccessful, perhaps accepting that no matter how sincere he is about purging, statically he is not likely to succeed with this pursuit.

You can research purging by visiting cross dressers sites, read their postings, critically critique their research links and gather more information to help you better understand what your cross dressing husbands are undergoing and how his conduct impacts your life!!! Some wives are accepting, other’s set boundaries, some get out, and some find ways to live with it. It is a personal choice that only you can make. It is your life, your marriage/relationship and you need to do what is best for you. Self-awareness and self-care is essential!

Now that we know in most cases purging is futile and ineffective, what do we do with this information? Confront them? Look for the new bags of clothes or credit card receipts for lingerie, ignore it, ask him to compromise, keep you out of it, accept it as a part of your marriage? Stay despite the lies? Leave because of the lies? Try to communicate with the help of specialists in this field? The choice is yours.

There are no judgments; your emotions and concerns are all valid. Ladies, how you choose to deal with ‘purging’ is up to you and your cross dressing husband. Nevertheless, we firmly believe in education, research and connecting with other cross dressers wives to assist our diverse needs. The more we know about this life long condition, the better choices we can make for ourselves. Always know there are no right or wrong answers (except get OUT immediately if physical violence escalates.) Emotional and severe psychological violence that seriously impacts your daily life should also not be accepted-especially in a marriage. However, it is your choice to make and we are not here to judge your difficult decisions but to help you to decipher the complicated issues and consequences of being married to a cross dresser. No matter what your decision is, we are here to support your personal choice!

Research Information

Please review (and perhaps Google) the following researchers and information:

Catherine Anderson http://our world.compuseerve.com/homepages/Cathytg/puge.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wkik/: Magnus Hirchfeld

http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/

The American Journal of Psychiatry. Google Robert Butler’s article: Transformations: Cross Dressers and Those Who Love Them.

Also utilize pertinent information from cross-dressers sites and their forums such as Crossdressers.com

Please find comfort in knowing you are far from alone. We are here along with thousands of cross dressers wives, from all over the world, who have kindly and openly shared their private stories onto our forum.

Blessings to each and every one of you,

The Founder

New Upcoming Additions to Our Forum

We have received hundred of requests for a help line. Since we have been unable at this time to obtain grants and enough donations we are planning on establishing a distinct hotline for cross dressers wives to speak with the Founder directly for a fee of $ 50 an hour. This special service will be available 3 days a week, at various hours to accommodate those living outside of the West Coast Region and will also allow for others living in other countries to contact us. Though, I am not a licensed therapist, I do hold several advanced degrees in social sciences and have had 4 years of researching this topic and developing this non for profit organization. But moreover, I am one of you! Our conversations will remain private and I will announce when this new link will be available.

Positive Thought for July’s Newsletter:

The following enlightening and powerful thought came from the book: The Woman’s Book of Confidence, by Sue Patton Thoele…

“I deserve to live in a safe environment. I have the courage to set limits and insist on respectful treatment. I respect myself.”

Volunteer and Contribution Link

We are in need of your assistance through donations and or to volunteer your services to help our non-for profit grow so that we can better serve you needs. Every dollar helps and your volunteerism is also highly appreciated, welcomed and much needed!

Cross Dressers Wives June Newsletter

2009-06-01T10:24:00.000-07:00

A common thread throughout the postings on our worldwide forum has been the poignant and often baneful issue of TRUST. The denotation of trust by Webster’s 1997 Dictionary is “…confidence, firm belief,…state of being relied on.” The connotaion of trust by Roger’s International 1997 Thesaurus is “…belief, faith, hope, assuredness, certainty, sureness…”

As cross dressers wives many of us are questioning whether or not to trust our cross dressing husbands/partners-especially those that never disclosed their life long condition or downplayed the significance of this condition before a serious relationship or a marriage developed. Where was the issue of trust then? Yes, many cross dressers state the reason why they did not disclose was fear of losing us, so they choose to hide their secret from their chosen life long partners.

Some cross dressers wives believe they should trust their cross dressing husbands-despite the history of lies and betrayal. They believe or want to believe him when he says, “It’s over, I will no longer cross dress.” Then sadly many wives discover the suitcase, the box, bag, chest full of women’s clothing or discover lingerie charges on their credit card bills.

If we know we have been continually lied to, how could we be certain, assured and believe our cross dressing spouses-without any qualms? Are we being naive to have faith and trust in them? Is it wrong for us to keep a close eye on their behavior, check their computers to see if they are on cross dressers sites? Are we at fault for being alert and seeking out the truth? This is a dilemma for so many of us, especially those who still love their husbands but simply cannot trust them.

There is no right or wrong answer. It boils down to a personal choice. For some that choice is to leave, others just emotionally leave, while some stay in marriages that are not blessed with the foundation of trust. Often our spouses get angry when they discover that we have gone through their belongings after they declared they stopped cross dressing. So, many cross dressers do not trust their wives. It can become a vicious cycle-with no clear-cut end or resolution in site.

How can we come to terms with such a dilemma? Utilize your God given gift: Woman’s intuition. It can guide your heart, soul, mind and body if you listen to it. TRUST YOURSELVES!!!

Women's intuition is often an invaluable, though intangible powerful resource for women to explore and utilize. According to Dr. Judith Orloff www.drjudithorloff.com, trusting one's own intuition often lends people to make better informed decisions. She urges men and women to tap into their own resourceful intuitions.

Woman's intuition, unfortunately is often underestimated yet has the capability of being a useful, powerful resource in our daily lives.

Blessings to each and every one of you!

The Founder
www.crossdresserswives.com

New Board Game Proves Women's Intuition is Far From an Old Wive's Tale

Ron Hutchinson, recently designed the psychological board game "Sixth Sense" www.sixth-sense-game.com that indicates that women's intuition really exists. He spent a year developing the game and studying the results and his findings revealed that women won 74% of the games when they relied on their intuitions rather than over analyzing. Visit http://www.mmdnewswire.com/womans-intuition-is-no-old-wifes-tale-1940.html to read more and follow additional links regarding the story.

Your Stories

One of our goals is to expand our Monthly Newsletter by including your individual experiences and triumphs. This organization is mostly successful because of your contributions onto the forum. It would be highly beneficial to other cross dressers wives that seek support, assistance and guidance to have access to your personal yet anonymous stories. We'd like to add a column to the Newsletter to publish your individual yet private stories. We encourage you to edit your stories to protect your identity (i.e. location, name, etc.) Please submit stories for consideration to cdwives@gmail.com at least two weeks in advance to the publication date of the next newsletter. All stories will be promptly acknowledged and considered. Please limit your story to no more than two pages. We look forward to your submissions.

We thank those who have kindly donated funds to support Cross Dressers Wives. However, we are still in need of any donation. Every dollar counts and is well appreciated. We need your support!!

2009-05-15T17:25:00.001-07:00

Greetings! Welcome to the first Cross Dressers Wives Monthly Newsletter! As the genesis of our newsletter, this is the perfect opportunity to explain how Cross Dressers Wives came into existence and how it has exponentially grown.

Cross Dressers Wives is a not for profit organization (NPO) that was established in 2006. The impetus behind this NPO and website is the simple fact that when I left my cross-dressing husband of twenty years I was in desperate need of support, guidance, understanding, information and contact with other cross-dressers’ wives who were experiencing similar feelings of betrayal, loss, confusion, emotional and psychological abuse. The blatant need for supporting cross-dressers’ wives was a necessity. Necessity is the mother of creation.

My therapist tried to help, though she knew so little about the underpinnings and consequences of unknowingly being a cross-dressers wife. She referred me to a gender center that dealt specifically with this complex, multi-faceted issue. The gender center therapist, who had been working with cross-dressers and their wives/partners for over a decade, referred me to several websites, which she insisted could meet my needs. Thinking I finally found help, my expectations were high. The moment I went home, I began my cyberspace search for much needed assistance. However, to my utter disappointment, rather than acknowledging my feelings, these sites questioned their validity and did not address my questions and concerns. To my dismay and shock I came across websites designed by cross-dressers, which encourage unconditional acceptance of their life-long conditions and overwhelmingly suggested the wives/partners participate in activities together, including shopping trips and beauty salon outings. They often encourage wives to just enjoy the feminine side of their cross-dressing husbands, while downplaying and normalizing their life long condition, with little acknowledgement of the wives/partners who are hurt by it.

As an educated woman, I know cross dressers’ wives are not a monolithic group. Nonetheless, I could not locate a site that came close to matching any of my needs, beliefs, opinions, emotions, or experiences. Some sites were religiously based, advising wives to go to their nearest church for an annulment. Other sites would not allow me to participate, as they would not permit the wives of lingerie cross dressing husbands to write anything that could be deemed as sexualized. In essence, I was lost and more traumatized than ever.

Logic dictated I could not be alone. One day I realized the only way I could find other cross-dressers’ wives would be by creating a cyberspace safe haven for them to come out of their dark, secretive closets, share their stories, support each other and provide and share information. Ultimately, we established a community of our own. The end result was the birth of Cross Dressers Wives.

Our site has flourished more than I could have ever imagined. Last year we only had 400 visits per month. We are now receiving over 140,000 visits per month, worldwide. Additionally, our site was recommended by the National News Column Annie's Mailbox, March 2, 2009. Please follow the following link to read the column: http://www.creators.com/lifestylefeatures/annies-mailbox/annie-s-mailbox-r-2009-03-02.html.

The success of Cross Dressers Wives is solely due to all of you. Your input, postings, honesty, strength, inquiries, and support of each other have made the site what it is: SUCCESSFUL. The foundational bricks of this site are represented by the courage and stories of each and every one of you. Each of your stories is a brick in the foundation of this strong community. From the bottom of my heart THANK YOU!!

On another note, we rely solely on tax-deductible donations, as grants are difficult for all non-profits to obtain at this time. Times are tough and we are struggling financially to maintain and expand our organization by providing new innovative supportive services. Every tax-deductible dollar will be anonymous, as we will never disclose a list of our donors to anyone at anytime for any reason. Just five dollars or one dollar can help us exponentially grow Cross Dressers Wives. Please visit our donations link on the donations/volunteer page on the site. We thank you in advance for your much needed immediate support. In the meantime may all of you love yourselves enough to take good care of yourselves. You are all worthy of support, truth, peace, happiness and love.

Please note that future Cross Dressers Wives Monthly Newsletters will be posted on the first of every month. We apologize for the delay in the issuance of May's Newsletter.

With Blessings and Gratitude,

The Founder
www.crossdresserswives.com